four months

This weekend, my group and I went to Massachusetts to film for our senior documentary: 26.2 Miles Closer to Living. We had a successful day of filming, and we have a few more trips up to film some more. 

With traveling to Mass to film, it leaves a lot of time for driving. When I drive, especially alone, I have more time to think. Sometimes I talk to myself to sort out my thoughts while driving, but don't we all? Generally it's a mix of that and listening to music and singing. While driving, I finally had the chance to get out what I've wanted to say. 

I talk about California every day. I don't mean to be annoying, but I can't help it. Just because I talk about going to California every day and how excited I am to be back there and move, it doesn't mean I won't miss it here in New England. I'm going to miss it terribly. I won't lie, I'm petrified of leaving and moving out to Los Angeles, but I'm also wicked excited. I know it's what I have to do for my career and to be happy. New England can't help with that. The thing is though, Uxbridge has been a part of my life, a big part of it. It's a perfect town to grow up in, but not so much to stay in. The past few months, I've really only thought about how much I'll miss the people in Massachusetts, my family, my friends, my dogs and the people in the surrounding towns. When we were in Mass driving to our destination to film, my friend asked me if I would miss this place. I never really thought of it because for the past year or so, all I've been thinking about is getting out of that small town. The more I think about it, the more I'll miss it. Every time I go back, I reflect. It's nice to be able to walk down to the canal and walk along it or run. There's the town loop. There's the little plaza and downtown is actually growing. The town itself if beautiful. It's old and has mills (some working, some burnt down), and it just has a personality. Yes, I'll miss it, the simplicity of it and even how it looks in the snow. The hill across the street from my house that I broke my leg on when I was ten and then did workouts on during track. The time I shoveled out the shotput circle, the time I wiped out during a track workout in the mud, the hill sprints, the games of wall ball and manhunt and kickball and capture the flag, the nights we would go in the tennis court and play and bring the dogs, the nights we slept on the upstairs porch, the nights we would have fires, the nights we had parties. I'll miss it all, but they'll be memories that I won't forget. Uxbridge will always have a part of my heart, just like Milford, the Cape, Franklin, and Hamden. Each place is significant in my life. Milford is where I first lived and where I would play sports every weekend and go to my grandmothers, the Cape is where I've been going since I was a baby in the summer, Franklin is where I go to visit my grandmother now, and Hamden.. well, that's where I've been living for the last four years for school. Each of those towns has memories that will always be with me and where I'll look forward to visiting when I come back on vacation from California. 

With the months passing quickly (and it being 2014), you can expect a lot more reflection posts from me because that move out date is approaching fast. 

Like I said before, I will miss everyone terribly. Don't ever think I won't. The people in my life, especially my parents and siblings, have been supporting me since day one. When I said I want to go into film and television, I wasn't told no. I wasn't told to go for something more "secure" or beneficial financial-wise. I respect and appreciate that very much. I think we always knew there was a good chance I wouldn't be staying in Massachusetts for the rest of my life, it's just now, it's reality. It's no longer something that is in the far off distant future, it's something that is very soon. I know the next few months especially will be an emotional roller coaster, but that's expected. If I wasn't scared and excited and nervous of what the future holds, I think then you should be worried. I think this is the first normal thing about me in a long time... feeling those feelings about what's next. 

Thank you to my family for supporting me in my dreams. Don't worry, when I'm gone, I'll stay in contact. When I'm back, get ready for the best reunions. 

on a last note, I don't talk about how much I'll miss everyone often because it's easier to look at the positive side of moving to Los Angeles, don't ever think I won't miss you because I will.

peace.love.happiness.