Demons

We all have demons that haunt us from various aspects of life. For each one of us, it changes. Sometimes, they hide. Sometimes, they're out in the open ready to fight. Sometimes, they just coexist in your life or take a nap for a considerable amount of time so you forget about them. Then they surprise you with a sneak attack. 

Tonight, as I was working and chatting with some coworkers, I started thinking. There are so many things I don't know about them and so many things they don't know about me. When I moved to California, I left a life behind that no one knows about here. They don't know the childhood stories or the college years. Essentially, when I moved, I had the chance to start over and only let people know what I wanted them to know. For example, being a triplet and having an older brother. Obviously I'm going to tell them those fun facts. Other things or events in my life, they may have no clue about. They don't know what I was like in high school or who I was. They don't know how much I've changed over the past few years. They don't know what I did or who I was. That's pretty cool when you think about it. 
Then I realized, I don't know those things about them either. We spend so much time together and yet have so many secrets, not even secrets, just stories and facts that haven't been told. We all have our own demons we've battled or are battling. We've all been to different places. We've had different experiences. It's cool, you know? They don't know my demons. They don't know things I'd rather not bring up. They've never seen me lose it or be in a fight with my sister over stupid things (like a soccer sock or a sweatshirt). They've never seen that side of me. 
For some reason, it just got me thinking earlier about demons and how we don't have to let them control our lives. There are things I left behind for reasons they'll never understand. There are people who I haven't seen in months because of the series of choices I've made. They'll never understand the mix of emotions I have going home for the first time since moving to California. Then again, no one really will. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm eager. I'm a mix of a lot of feelings. I know there will be two types of tears when I go home. There will be happy tears when I arrive and sad ones when I leave. I already know that. Going home will bring back memories of the childhood years. Memories people don't know here. Memories only my loved ones (family and friends) can relate to back home. My friends out here don't understand the town loop or snowdays or sliding down the slides in trashbags on rainy days or shoveling or breaking my leg (and the two months in a wheelchair following) or the scares of rushes to the emergency room and things like that. I'm not saying my memories are demons in any way. I'm not. 

I think the demons that I've dealt with are a little different than memories. Demons ranging from simple things like breaking my leg (and learning not to lie) to complicated things like my mental health and all the little lessons I've learned along the way that made me who I am now. Essentially, the people I know out here know who I've become but don't know the things that made who I am. And that's perfectly fine. Throughout time, they'll learn more about me, as I will about them, but only what we choose to tell one another. 

I like that concept. You get to start all over in a way and show them your highlight reel instead of the full feature. 
Life is a funny thing, isn't it? 

We all will go through life carrying our demons in some way. Who we choose and how we choose to tell and show our demons to says a lot. our demons can be some of our most sacred and vulnerable tidbits about ourselves. Sharing them with someone means they earned your trust and respect. It also means they no longer control you. they just helped to make you who you are. Let them in and you let them out.  

As one of my favorite songs goes "when you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide...they say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate."
Your demons will always be a part of you, only those who truly see you will understand them and accept you for who you are, demons and all.

i guess I don't really know where I'm going with this topic. It was just a rambling that was sparked by a conversation. I guess what I'm trying to say are two three things.
First, those who accept your demons once they've earned your trust to know them are people who are worth keeping around.
Second, there will come times when demons you thought were gone will reappear,and maybe not in a bad way. Sometimes, they're just reminders of how far you've come.
Third, you can't run from your demons, you can only become stronger than them.