four months

This weekend, my group and I went to Massachusetts to film for our senior documentary: 26.2 Miles Closer to Living. We had a successful day of filming, and we have a few more trips up to film some more. 

With traveling to Mass to film, it leaves a lot of time for driving. When I drive, especially alone, I have more time to think. Sometimes I talk to myself to sort out my thoughts while driving, but don't we all? Generally it's a mix of that and listening to music and singing. While driving, I finally had the chance to get out what I've wanted to say. 

I talk about California every day. I don't mean to be annoying, but I can't help it. Just because I talk about going to California every day and how excited I am to be back there and move, it doesn't mean I won't miss it here in New England. I'm going to miss it terribly. I won't lie, I'm petrified of leaving and moving out to Los Angeles, but I'm also wicked excited. I know it's what I have to do for my career and to be happy. New England can't help with that. The thing is though, Uxbridge has been a part of my life, a big part of it. It's a perfect town to grow up in, but not so much to stay in. The past few months, I've really only thought about how much I'll miss the people in Massachusetts, my family, my friends, my dogs and the people in the surrounding towns. When we were in Mass driving to our destination to film, my friend asked me if I would miss this place. I never really thought of it because for the past year or so, all I've been thinking about is getting out of that small town. The more I think about it, the more I'll miss it. Every time I go back, I reflect. It's nice to be able to walk down to the canal and walk along it or run. There's the town loop. There's the little plaza and downtown is actually growing. The town itself if beautiful. It's old and has mills (some working, some burnt down), and it just has a personality. Yes, I'll miss it, the simplicity of it and even how it looks in the snow. The hill across the street from my house that I broke my leg on when I was ten and then did workouts on during track. The time I shoveled out the shotput circle, the time I wiped out during a track workout in the mud, the hill sprints, the games of wall ball and manhunt and kickball and capture the flag, the nights we would go in the tennis court and play and bring the dogs, the nights we slept on the upstairs porch, the nights we would have fires, the nights we had parties. I'll miss it all, but they'll be memories that I won't forget. Uxbridge will always have a part of my heart, just like Milford, the Cape, Franklin, and Hamden. Each place is significant in my life. Milford is where I first lived and where I would play sports every weekend and go to my grandmothers, the Cape is where I've been going since I was a baby in the summer, Franklin is where I go to visit my grandmother now, and Hamden.. well, that's where I've been living for the last four years for school. Each of those towns has memories that will always be with me and where I'll look forward to visiting when I come back on vacation from California. 

With the months passing quickly (and it being 2014), you can expect a lot more reflection posts from me because that move out date is approaching fast. 

Like I said before, I will miss everyone terribly. Don't ever think I won't. The people in my life, especially my parents and siblings, have been supporting me since day one. When I said I want to go into film and television, I wasn't told no. I wasn't told to go for something more "secure" or beneficial financial-wise. I respect and appreciate that very much. I think we always knew there was a good chance I wouldn't be staying in Massachusetts for the rest of my life, it's just now, it's reality. It's no longer something that is in the far off distant future, it's something that is very soon. I know the next few months especially will be an emotional roller coaster, but that's expected. If I wasn't scared and excited and nervous of what the future holds, I think then you should be worried. I think this is the first normal thing about me in a long time... feeling those feelings about what's next. 

Thank you to my family for supporting me in my dreams. Don't worry, when I'm gone, I'll stay in contact. When I'm back, get ready for the best reunions. 

on a last note, I don't talk about how much I'll miss everyone often because it's easier to look at the positive side of moving to Los Angeles, don't ever think I won't miss you because I will.

peace.love.happiness.

Snow, snow, and more snow

If you're in New England, you probably deserve a nice day off of doing absolutely nothing and a day of sun and warmth. Especially if you had to shovel yourself out today or have to in the morning. It's one thing when it's the light fluffy stuff falling from the sky, another thing when it falls with a purpose and then mixes in some freezing rain. I woke up this morning (before the five texts, six emails, call and a voicemail at 5:44 am) and looked out my window to see the ferocity of the snow falling. It was accumulating quickly. Before we got the aforementioned messages about school being closed today, I could tell by the ferocious snow from 3am that there was no way we would have classes. 

Snow days are great. Who doesn't love an unplanned day off for reasons that aren't related to an emergency? It's nice when you get that extra amount of time to sleep and catch up on your favorite shows. If you want, you can venture out and make some snowmen, maybe have a snowball fight, and attempt to make an igloo (which this snow is probably perfect for). The best part about a snow day is that you're snowed in. That means you aren't going anywhere. It's the perfect excuse to do absolutely nothing and not even have to change out of your pajamas (or sweatpants) all day or leave your house. Ahhh, snow days. I'll miss those next year, but I won't miss the shoveling and clearing off your car when it's about seven inches of snow with an additional half inch of ice. I'm pretty sure I could have used a pick axe on my car tonight and not have broken the window. (That might be a little exaggerated, but you get the point). Luckily I have a snow brush that extends and is strong. I pretended the scraper side was a pick axe and went on to break the ice and watch it fly everywhere. I decided to avoid the roof for tonight, I don't have to drive anywhere tomorrow, so hopefully it will be a little warmer and melt some of the snow on the roof. It's not that easy to clean off seven inches of snow off the top of a trailblazer for average height people, nevermind someone who is only five feet tall. It was quite entertaining when I tried to do that the other night with the snowstorm on Monday. 

Enough about snow, I'll get a reminder of it every time I look out the window for the next three months. Maybe it'll be gone in time for graduation, maybe.

We are officially three weeks into the semester. It feels like two after I spent the first week in Park City, Utah at Sundance with 23 other film society members and our two professors. That week was amazing. Somehow, it was warmer there with LESS snow than here. Makes no sense. It was a great week spent watching some amazing films, seeing some cool musicians performing, and just hanging out with some of my closest friends and forming stronger bonds with others. 
This year, I didn't take a thousand pictures. I actually never used my real camera (only my phone). You know what, I'm glad I chose to do that. I love taking pictures, but sometimes, it distracts me from living in the moment to the fullest. It makes me an observer. The memories I made this year are captured by just a few photos, but they speak volumes. It's fine to take pictures, you just can't let yourself get caught up in capturing the perfect moment that you end up forgetting to enjoy the moments surrounding it. 

Since there is no snow day tomorrow (the roads and paths are pretty much clear now), I should probably wrap this up and get some sleep. 

To all you new englanders out there, stay safe in the upcoming storms (supposedly there may be another storm this weekend.. but who really knows?). Also, be careful of the ice the next couple of days as well. 

Also, today marks my Babcia's (grandmother)78th birthday. Sadly, we lost her about five and a half years ago. Babcia, I hope you're up there in heaven with infinite Bingo and lottery tickets, as well as good scotch and mai tais. I love you very much, and I know you'll continue to watch over all of us.

one last thing, remember to focus on your own happiness. Sometimes, we get so lost in trying to make everyone around us happy that we forget to do whatever makes us happy. Just remember to put yourself first every now and then.It's fine to take some "me" time.

peace.love.happiness.