Today is December 22nd. We are officially 3 days away from Christmas, three days away from my first Christmas away from home. It's weird not being at home, not decorating the tree, hoping Eddie doesn't knock it down as he tries to walk under the branches he doesn't fit under. It's weird thinking about how I'll miss Christmas Eve at Grannie's and the annual Copland cousin picture and hat game and almost falling asleep before we leave. It'll be weird missing breakfast at Dad's and opening presents there followed by heading back to Uxbridge and spending the afternoon with Mom and cooking. It's weird not trying to figure out where we'll be fro Christmas and what times we'll be everywhere. Last Christmas was definitely one of my favorites. It was rather stress free (which is not common). It involved a lot of cousin bonding. From Christmas Eve with the cousins on my dad's side to Christmas night with the cousins on my mom's side. Last year, we ended up in Leominster playing Cards Against Humanity and a game similar to Things laughing so hard. It was one of those Christmases I'll look back on year after year and just smile thinking about.
The thing I'm learning this year is that it isn't important where everyone is, it's important that we still surround ourselves with the ones we love, even if not in person. I know this year will be full of phone calls and skype and snapchat. It will also be full of friends out here who are slowly becoming like family.
As for my actual plans, they're still forming. I know I'll definitely get some sleep in.
It was nice last week. My sister and cousin were here for the week, and we did some exploring throughout southern California from San Diego to LA to Santa Barbara. We hiked and hung out. It was great. The hardest part is always the goodbye. Instead of me leaving five months ago, they left (oddly enough exactly five months after I moved out here .. 17th).
Life is California is good. I'm enjoying it here and happy to say I've made quite a few new good friends.
In case I don't post in the next few days, Merry Christmas. I send my love and best wishes back to the East Coast.
Get ready for the New Year's post!
peace.love.happiness.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Risk it All to Begin Again
Three days left of 2014. Three days until 2015. It's funny because I remember thinking five years ago, "How is it already 2010?" Here I am writing this thinking, "Where the hell did the last five years go?" Five years ago, I was 17, a senior in high school waiting to find out what schools would accept me. I was focusing on throwing shot put, how I was going to deal with not going to Hyannis with StuCo, how excited I was to drive on my own. I was listening to random pop music and that was about it and watching Hannah Montana, learning how to play guitar, finally putting music to my lyrics. I was blissfully unaware of what would happen come the next couple years. Five years ago, I couldn't even buy a scratch ticket yet. I didn't know what my future would hold, how many friendships would ultimately end and how many would begin. I didn't know how I would feel, if I would even make it to now. Somehow, I did. 2015, like 2010 seemed like a year of the future with flying cars and holograms and those weird future outfits that you always see in the movies. Here we are, three days away from 2015 and probably closer to those "futuristic things" than we realize.
Wow.
Now, I'm faced with the same questions I had back then about friendships and what my future will hold. The difference between now and then, so much. Five years ago, I was a people pleaser. Plain and simple. I didn't know how to say no or how to just be myself. I didn't know how to break a rule and was petrified of my own shadow. Five years ago was only a year into an awakening. Now, I'm happy. I live in the entertainment capitol of the world and am slowly making a life out here. Five years ago, I never saw myself here. I always thought I would end in Massachusetts forever, probably in Uxbridge because that's really all I've ever known. Uxbridge is one of those towns that is great to grow up in or raise in a family in, not so much for your twenties. When I was 17, I didn't know that. When I was 17, I was terrified of leaving, of starting over in college and making new friends because Uxbridge was our own little bubble. Slowly, I moved out of it into a bigger bubble. That was the best thing for me.
Now, let's take a look back at this year. Which, it feels like so much has happened in these last 12 months. I don't think I've ever grown so much in a year, it's kind of crazy. But here we go...
January, exciting things that happened included Sundance where I got spend a week in Utah with my best college friends and a couple cool professors and my boyfriend at the time. That last night there, ooph, we all got back from seeing our last films and just had fun. We played games, drank a bit, and laughed. A lot. It was a warm week there (well, warm for Utah in the winter). I saw ten films. White Bird in a Blizzard (now out on DVD), Listen Up Phillip, Infinitely Polar Bear, Young Ones, Alive Inside and so many more. Those were the best ones I saw.
We returned to school for our final college semester.
February, well, that month wasn't the greatest. I do remember finding out kicking snow is one of the best stress relievers there is. You can't hurt yourself (unless ice, be careful of the ice) or others. Then we filmed for our senior capstone and continued that through April.
March, we filmed over spring break which I spent at home and just relaxed. I feel like something else happened in March, but I'm not really sure. Most of the month was filming and starting to put together our film. Oh, I remember now. It was the start of the end of my relationship. Which leads us to April.
April led to the breakup, which I was alright with. I initiated it. I found out, I'm just very independent. I like my space. There will be times when I just a need to be alone to sort things out in my mind and recharge. That's what I needed then. Later in April, we filmed the marathon which was rather warm day for April in Massachusetts. We got muffins from that bakery in Newton. Then we had hell week at the end of April. We weren't sure if our film was going to be done or not.
May, we did finish after spending May Weekend in the library editing. We finished. It was worth all the stress and sleepless nights when we screened it for the first time, which almost didn't happen because the sound didn't want to work. Luckily, it was just Echlin 101 being Echlin 101. It worked eventually. We cried. We answered questions. We went out afterwards and got drinks at Eli's. Then, we graduated. Graduation. It was the perfect day. It was sunny, warm, campus looked like a catalog picture. Then I watched Jeffrey's graduation online. Oh right, and I surprised my mom the day before graduation at Jeffrey's school (since we graduated the same day). Then we all went to Sam's graduation. It was official, all the Copland kids were done with college. Then, even more excitement, Sam, Jeffrey, and I went to England for the first time with our dad and stepmom and got to see relatives we see rarely. We played beach golf in Wittering, walked about 12 miles a day in London, hung out with family, saw some plays. (and Pimm's, lots of Pimm's) That leads us to June.
June, I booked my flight to California and braced myself for the next six weeks to see everyone I possibly could. Sarah and I went to Long Island for Amy's grad party. I got to see the land. I hung out with Ashley and Kim and Missy. And we went to Bert's. I slowly kept procrastinating on packing. We celebrated Andrew's birthday (I think we still have a birthday dinner to do though). I made it to the Cape.
July, we went to Bert's for our last breakfast together for while. We all went out for dinner at Il Camino. We had a dinner together at Grannie's once she was home. I started my goodbyes. Two nights before I left, we went to Grannie's, and I got there first so we could just have time together, which I really appreciated. The next day was the dinner at the Camino to remember my grandmother on the other side Babcia, as it marked 6 years since she passed, and it was one of her favorite restaurants. So my last two days were full of family and some of the hardest goodbyes. The following morning was Bert's with my best friends at home and Sam. That afternoon, I left. That was last time I saw Uxbridge and Massachusetts. In that first week here, my mom and I got me settled into my new apartment.
August. I got a job at the first Dunkin out here. I turned 22. I started adjusting to the post college life.
September, I saw Demi in concert with Brianna. That's the main highlight of that month. Nope, I lied. We got into the Boston Film Festival, and our short film 26.2mi Closer to Living made it's first festival premiere, the same day I saw Demi in concert.
October, I saw Demi again with Brianna (for free). We were literally stage side. We dressed up at dunkin for Halloween and finally saw the lines going down. Slowly, it became slightly more normal. Still, more traffic than most Dunkins on the east coast because there were only 2 Dunkins at this point.
November, I got to see my Dad and Ann-Marie when they visited on their way to and from Hawaii. I booked my first flight back to Massachusetts (not saying when though). I spent my first big holiday away from home. I went to the beach because why not?
December, this month has been alright. It's had its ups and downs. But, I learned. It was nice recently, with Christmas and being away, knowing how many people back home cared and sent their regards and warm wishes. Christmas was also spent on the beach like Thanksgiving. Sam and Kylie came to visit the week before, where we did a lot of traveling from LA to San Diego to Griffith Park to Arcadia to Santa Barbara. It was a week full of adventure that I really needed. Christmas Eve was spent with a couple of new friends at night where we saw some really pretty Christmas Lights. Christmas night was spent with one of my roommates. Our oh so fancy dinner was Mac n Cheese (shapes of course) and chili with some wine (really good wine from Trader Joe's).
Now, we're making plan for New Years, which I think involves a casino on New Year's Day after work.
So, that was my year minus some random details and trips to Aunchies and making the most of the time I had left in college, and some emotional breakdowns realizing "real life" is now here and all that fun stuff.
With all that being said,
Here's to 2015. Whatever it may bring, I'm ready (well, maybe I'm not, but I'll sure act like I am). Here's to finding a job in my field and new friends and old friends and family and traveling and having opportunities to pick up and start anew, to risk it all to begin again.
Happy New Year!
peace.love.happiness.
Wow.
Now, I'm faced with the same questions I had back then about friendships and what my future will hold. The difference between now and then, so much. Five years ago, I was a people pleaser. Plain and simple. I didn't know how to say no or how to just be myself. I didn't know how to break a rule and was petrified of my own shadow. Five years ago was only a year into an awakening. Now, I'm happy. I live in the entertainment capitol of the world and am slowly making a life out here. Five years ago, I never saw myself here. I always thought I would end in Massachusetts forever, probably in Uxbridge because that's really all I've ever known. Uxbridge is one of those towns that is great to grow up in or raise in a family in, not so much for your twenties. When I was 17, I didn't know that. When I was 17, I was terrified of leaving, of starting over in college and making new friends because Uxbridge was our own little bubble. Slowly, I moved out of it into a bigger bubble. That was the best thing for me.
Now, let's take a look back at this year. Which, it feels like so much has happened in these last 12 months. I don't think I've ever grown so much in a year, it's kind of crazy. But here we go...
January, exciting things that happened included Sundance where I got spend a week in Utah with my best college friends and a couple cool professors and my boyfriend at the time. That last night there, ooph, we all got back from seeing our last films and just had fun. We played games, drank a bit, and laughed. A lot. It was a warm week there (well, warm for Utah in the winter). I saw ten films. White Bird in a Blizzard (now out on DVD), Listen Up Phillip, Infinitely Polar Bear, Young Ones, Alive Inside and so many more. Those were the best ones I saw.
We returned to school for our final college semester.
February, well, that month wasn't the greatest. I do remember finding out kicking snow is one of the best stress relievers there is. You can't hurt yourself (unless ice, be careful of the ice) or others. Then we filmed for our senior capstone and continued that through April.
March, we filmed over spring break which I spent at home and just relaxed. I feel like something else happened in March, but I'm not really sure. Most of the month was filming and starting to put together our film. Oh, I remember now. It was the start of the end of my relationship. Which leads us to April.
April led to the breakup, which I was alright with. I initiated it. I found out, I'm just very independent. I like my space. There will be times when I just a need to be alone to sort things out in my mind and recharge. That's what I needed then. Later in April, we filmed the marathon which was rather warm day for April in Massachusetts. We got muffins from that bakery in Newton. Then we had hell week at the end of April. We weren't sure if our film was going to be done or not.
May, we did finish after spending May Weekend in the library editing. We finished. It was worth all the stress and sleepless nights when we screened it for the first time, which almost didn't happen because the sound didn't want to work. Luckily, it was just Echlin 101 being Echlin 101. It worked eventually. We cried. We answered questions. We went out afterwards and got drinks at Eli's. Then, we graduated. Graduation. It was the perfect day. It was sunny, warm, campus looked like a catalog picture. Then I watched Jeffrey's graduation online. Oh right, and I surprised my mom the day before graduation at Jeffrey's school (since we graduated the same day). Then we all went to Sam's graduation. It was official, all the Copland kids were done with college. Then, even more excitement, Sam, Jeffrey, and I went to England for the first time with our dad and stepmom and got to see relatives we see rarely. We played beach golf in Wittering, walked about 12 miles a day in London, hung out with family, saw some plays. (and Pimm's, lots of Pimm's) That leads us to June.
June, I booked my flight to California and braced myself for the next six weeks to see everyone I possibly could. Sarah and I went to Long Island for Amy's grad party. I got to see the land. I hung out with Ashley and Kim and Missy. And we went to Bert's. I slowly kept procrastinating on packing. We celebrated Andrew's birthday (I think we still have a birthday dinner to do though). I made it to the Cape.
July, we went to Bert's for our last breakfast together for while. We all went out for dinner at Il Camino. We had a dinner together at Grannie's once she was home. I started my goodbyes. Two nights before I left, we went to Grannie's, and I got there first so we could just have time together, which I really appreciated. The next day was the dinner at the Camino to remember my grandmother on the other side Babcia, as it marked 6 years since she passed, and it was one of her favorite restaurants. So my last two days were full of family and some of the hardest goodbyes. The following morning was Bert's with my best friends at home and Sam. That afternoon, I left. That was last time I saw Uxbridge and Massachusetts. In that first week here, my mom and I got me settled into my new apartment.
August. I got a job at the first Dunkin out here. I turned 22. I started adjusting to the post college life.
September, I saw Demi in concert with Brianna. That's the main highlight of that month. Nope, I lied. We got into the Boston Film Festival, and our short film 26.2mi Closer to Living made it's first festival premiere, the same day I saw Demi in concert.
October, I saw Demi again with Brianna (for free). We were literally stage side. We dressed up at dunkin for Halloween and finally saw the lines going down. Slowly, it became slightly more normal. Still, more traffic than most Dunkins on the east coast because there were only 2 Dunkins at this point.
November, I got to see my Dad and Ann-Marie when they visited on their way to and from Hawaii. I booked my first flight back to Massachusetts (not saying when though). I spent my first big holiday away from home. I went to the beach because why not?
December, this month has been alright. It's had its ups and downs. But, I learned. It was nice recently, with Christmas and being away, knowing how many people back home cared and sent their regards and warm wishes. Christmas was also spent on the beach like Thanksgiving. Sam and Kylie came to visit the week before, where we did a lot of traveling from LA to San Diego to Griffith Park to Arcadia to Santa Barbara. It was a week full of adventure that I really needed. Christmas Eve was spent with a couple of new friends at night where we saw some really pretty Christmas Lights. Christmas night was spent with one of my roommates. Our oh so fancy dinner was Mac n Cheese (shapes of course) and chili with some wine (really good wine from Trader Joe's).
Now, we're making plan for New Years, which I think involves a casino on New Year's Day after work.
So, that was my year minus some random details and trips to Aunchies and making the most of the time I had left in college, and some emotional breakdowns realizing "real life" is now here and all that fun stuff.
With all that being said,
Here's to 2015. Whatever it may bring, I'm ready (well, maybe I'm not, but I'll sure act like I am). Here's to finding a job in my field and new friends and old friends and family and traveling and having opportunities to pick up and start anew, to risk it all to begin again.
Happy New Year!
peace.love.happiness.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Live.
Currently, I'm sitting on the couch with a full stomach. For that, I am thankful.
I am thankful for having parents who encouraged me to reach for the stars. I am thankful they also taught me how to cook.
Today is my first holiday away from home, and I am okay. I am thankful to be here in Los Angeles. I am thankful to have been able to talk to my family these past two days even though they are in Massachusetts. I am thankful for being able to go to the beach today, to be able to have cooked a Thanksgiving meal on my own, to be able to watch this beautiful sunset today. I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful to have people to care about on both coasts. I am thankful for having a family of friends on this coast.
I am just thankful to be living, breathing, and being able to enjoy this life.
Happy Thanksgiving from my home to yours.
I am thankful for having parents who encouraged me to reach for the stars. I am thankful they also taught me how to cook.
Today is my first holiday away from home, and I am okay. I am thankful to be here in Los Angeles. I am thankful to have been able to talk to my family these past two days even though they are in Massachusetts. I am thankful for being able to go to the beach today, to be able to have cooked a Thanksgiving meal on my own, to be able to watch this beautiful sunset today. I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful to have people to care about on both coasts. I am thankful for having a family of friends on this coast.
I am just thankful to be living, breathing, and being able to enjoy this life.
Happy Thanksgiving from my home to yours.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Breaking free
Today is November 26th, 2014. It's Wednesday. The last time November 26th was on Wednesday was six years ago, in 2008. That day was like any other day before Thanksgiving. It was a half day. A group of us got together, ordered pizza, and worked on our Spanish project due after the long weekend. What changed that day was what we found the following evening. We found out our grandfather passed away. Grandpa, I know you're still watching over us. Now, you're probably playing soccer and coaching up there. I miss you, and I love you. Six years gone by is hard to believe, but they have.
Normally, when I remember someone in my family who has passed, I don't put up a blog. Normally it's a commemorative post on facebook. This year is different. In 2008, I lost two grandparents (separate sides of the family) 4 months and 10 days apart from one another. The weird thing was both were on Wednesdays, both dates ending in a 6, and both days, we ate pizza. Now imagine my mind back then. I made it a point to not eat pizza on a Wednesday that had a 6 in the date. I just didn't. No, I still haven't eaten pizza on a Wednesday with a 6 in it since then. However, this year, I realize, that it was just coincidence. It was in no way some sign from the universe. It just so happened there were odd similarities. I realize that now. It wasn't some jinx. It was just their times to go.
On this day this year, I want to thank you, Grandpa, for being so great. Thank you for instilling soccer in our family. Thank you for raising three children, one who is my father. Thank you for picking Grannie and I up right before it started raining. Thank you for the many weekends we spent together, just you, me, and Grannie when I was just a kid. Thank you for one of my favorite memories that I cherish (that time you asked Grannie to dance when to a Ray Charles song that was playing on tv when you were in the nursing home).
And for the amount of times we caught you napping in your chair and we would wake you up by shouting...
"Ready, on the count of three, 1...2...3.. WAKE UP GRANDPA!"
"When other helpers fail and comforts flee, help of the helpless, oh, Abide with me."
Six years is a long time to let something like a coincidence control you. This year, I am breaking free of that anxiety.I know you'd both be proud.
Normally, when I remember someone in my family who has passed, I don't put up a blog. Normally it's a commemorative post on facebook. This year is different. In 2008, I lost two grandparents (separate sides of the family) 4 months and 10 days apart from one another. The weird thing was both were on Wednesdays, both dates ending in a 6, and both days, we ate pizza. Now imagine my mind back then. I made it a point to not eat pizza on a Wednesday that had a 6 in the date. I just didn't. No, I still haven't eaten pizza on a Wednesday with a 6 in it since then. However, this year, I realize, that it was just coincidence. It was in no way some sign from the universe. It just so happened there were odd similarities. I realize that now. It wasn't some jinx. It was just their times to go.
On this day this year, I want to thank you, Grandpa, for being so great. Thank you for instilling soccer in our family. Thank you for raising three children, one who is my father. Thank you for picking Grannie and I up right before it started raining. Thank you for the many weekends we spent together, just you, me, and Grannie when I was just a kid. Thank you for one of my favorite memories that I cherish (that time you asked Grannie to dance when to a Ray Charles song that was playing on tv when you were in the nursing home). And for the amount of times we caught you napping in your chair and we would wake you up by shouting...
"Ready, on the count of three, 1...2...3.. WAKE UP GRANDPA!"
"When other helpers fail and comforts flee, help of the helpless, oh, Abide with me."
Six years is a long time to let something like a coincidence control you. This year, I am breaking free of that anxiety.I know you'd both be proud.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Just around the corner
The last few days, I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's November. Thanksgiving is just six days away. Christmas is just over a month away.
At this time last year, I was getting excited to head home for Thanksgiving Break, a whole week off and time spent cuddling with my dogs, hanging out with family, planning on doing that homework I would ultimately put off until the Sunday night I got back to school, and catching up with friends. Of course, planning out Thanksgiving from where I'll be at what time to what I'll cook and bake to shopping plans the following day.
This year, I'm not on that trip back home. I'm not getting the warm greeting from my dogs. I'm not catching up with my best friends from home. I'm not spending a week with my family.
However, I am still planning what I'll cook and bake (so for any California friends, come on by for some yummy food like green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, scalloped potatoes, and probably some chicken and some corn), what I want to buy on Black Friday, and spending time with new friends.
These next five weeks are going to be different. We all know that. I'm trying to focus on the positive (like being thankful for the opportunity to live in California). While focusing on the positives, I also think about all the other things, but then I remind myself that I did choose to move across the country with uncertainty of when I'll be able to come home next. People visiting here helps. I saw my dad and stepmom for a couple days and got to show them where I live and take them to In N Out, Diddy Riese, and the Santa Monica Pier. Even though it was only a couple days, I enjoyed every moment of it. I know when more family visits (and friends), I'll enjoy every moment. That's something else I am thankful for. I may not get to see you guys a lot, but that has made me appreciate the little time together so much more. I look forward to the next time I am home (which will probably be in the spring). However, I also look forward to tomorrow and the next day and the next and so on because I am learning to enjoy each day.
Even though I won't be home for the Holidays this year, I'll make them special somehow. Don't worry, you'll be getting pictures of me at the beach while it's snowing back home.
I know Thanksgiving is next week, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Maybe that's why it's a little easier not being home (at least today it is) because it feels like middle of June, not November. It's still 60s, 70s, and occasionally 80s here.
Life is good. I'm happy here. I'm learning every day and growing up. Things are changing, and that's okay.
On that note, expect more posts in the next few weeks. We got a couple big topics coming: being thankful, Christmas time, and my favorite, the end of a year and the chance for a new beginning.
At this time last year, I was getting excited to head home for Thanksgiving Break, a whole week off and time spent cuddling with my dogs, hanging out with family, planning on doing that homework I would ultimately put off until the Sunday night I got back to school, and catching up with friends. Of course, planning out Thanksgiving from where I'll be at what time to what I'll cook and bake to shopping plans the following day.
This year, I'm not on that trip back home. I'm not getting the warm greeting from my dogs. I'm not catching up with my best friends from home. I'm not spending a week with my family.
However, I am still planning what I'll cook and bake (so for any California friends, come on by for some yummy food like green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, scalloped potatoes, and probably some chicken and some corn), what I want to buy on Black Friday, and spending time with new friends.
These next five weeks are going to be different. We all know that. I'm trying to focus on the positive (like being thankful for the opportunity to live in California). While focusing on the positives, I also think about all the other things, but then I remind myself that I did choose to move across the country with uncertainty of when I'll be able to come home next. People visiting here helps. I saw my dad and stepmom for a couple days and got to show them where I live and take them to In N Out, Diddy Riese, and the Santa Monica Pier. Even though it was only a couple days, I enjoyed every moment of it. I know when more family visits (and friends), I'll enjoy every moment. That's something else I am thankful for. I may not get to see you guys a lot, but that has made me appreciate the little time together so much more. I look forward to the next time I am home (which will probably be in the spring). However, I also look forward to tomorrow and the next day and the next and so on because I am learning to enjoy each day.
Even though I won't be home for the Holidays this year, I'll make them special somehow. Don't worry, you'll be getting pictures of me at the beach while it's snowing back home.
I know Thanksgiving is next week, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Maybe that's why it's a little easier not being home (at least today it is) because it feels like middle of June, not November. It's still 60s, 70s, and occasionally 80s here.
Life is good. I'm happy here. I'm learning every day and growing up. Things are changing, and that's okay.
On that note, expect more posts in the next few weeks. We got a couple big topics coming: being thankful, Christmas time, and my favorite, the end of a year and the chance for a new beginning.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
I don't even know.
While writing this, I started off listening to "Pompeii" by Bastille because that song has been stuck in my head nonstop this past week or so. In a way, it explains what's going on right now. I also just really like the song and band.
I've been in California for almost three months, but that lyric "If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" resonates in my mind. It feels like nothing has changed, but, at the same time, it feels everything has. Do you know what I mean?
Life hasn't stopped. It keeps going. Things that happened before continue to happen. There are still crazy things happening out of our control. The waiting game continues, but that's life, isn't it? At least everything is okay. I won't lie, I thought about coming home for a few days, but I'll wait. It's still a little soon anyway. (which, I have been out here for three months.. as of three days from now. Where did that time go?)
In the whole friends regard, our group text still continues. We talk the same amount we did before, just not in person. Wine nights still exist, just at different times (time change.. am I right?). Life is still just as exciting as it was before. Now, that excitement doesn't make a skeptic. I know the excitement will continue. I know this happiness is true. Every day, I drive and just look around. Living in Los Angeles is one of the best decisions I have made. I look around, and it's beautiful out here. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in New England for these couple weeks of fall to admire the foliage, go apple picking, and wear those comfy cozy flannels and sweaters (as my roommate says, real flannel doesn't exist here). I enjoy being out here. There is surprisingly some foliage (not a lot).. surrounded by palm trees. I could get used to that, as well as not having to worry about 30degrees being the high one day and 65 the next only to go to 20 the following day. I am looking forward to having a sunny and warm winter and not having to clean off my car to start the day. Also, on a side note, for some reason, I just didn't put two and two together that it would dark early here. It's weird. The sun sets around 6:15 now, and I just always associated that with colder weather, not seventies and eighties (with some nineties). It's just very odd.
(as I'm writing this, I decided to switch up the music. One of my favorite bands that hardly anyone has heard of is Satellite. Their songs are, I don't know how to put it into words. They're just phenomenal. Speaking of music, those songs keep playing right at the right moment. The other day, "Calling All Angels" came on the radio, and it made me think of a best friend at home who I miss, but it feels to me like a message.. not a message, but a sign (I guess) that the people I care about most and miss are there with me. I love how it happens almost daily. the song from Stepmom came up the other day, and it reminded me of our childhood and how we would sing it often in my family. Satellite makes me think of another best friend who I introduced to the band. Whenever "Say the Words" comes on, we both sing in the car to it. end of the music side note)
I guess the whole point of this is, life is good. Oh my, is it beautiful. Driving home today, the sunset was just one you had to admire. It made being stuck in traffic bearable. It got me reflecting and just appreciating the opportunities I've had in life. I may not have a lot of material things, but I have the opportunity to come here and live in LA. My budget may be a little tight, but I can still do it. I'm living in the city where dreams come true and where winter doesn't exist (which is kind of like a dream). I'm just thankful I have family and friends back home who support my adventure out here. We may not to get to see each other often, but we're still together. It'll make the times we visit more precious. Like last weekend for example. My roommate from college came out here, and I got to see her for a couple hours. It was so nice to see her. It felt like nothing changed. We were on a different coast and in a different car, but other than that, it was the same. That's where that lyric aforementioned comes in. If you close your eyes, it feels like nothing changed.
I'm not saying change is a bad thing, not at all. I think change is great because it gives you a chance to experience something different. You could spend your whole life in one area, in one town or you could move somewhere else. You don't choose where you're from, but you do choose where you go. I'll always be from Massachusetts, but I won't always live there. Maybe one day down the road, I'll find myself there again. But right now, California is where I belong. Being in your twenties is the best time to get up and relocate. When I look back at this time in my life twenty years from now, I'll be so glad I took a chance.
Which leads me to that whole chance topic. In all aspects of life, you have to take chances. In moving, in career, in love, in everything. Don't be scared.. well, be scared. That's how you know it's worth it. As the saying goes, if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough. Seriously, go for it. What do you have to lose? nothing. Take that chance and don't look back, just go with it.
I think I've rambled on long enough. Thanks for sticking with me!
peace.love.happiness. (sending my love to the east coast, I miss you guys).
I've been in California for almost three months, but that lyric "If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" resonates in my mind. It feels like nothing has changed, but, at the same time, it feels everything has. Do you know what I mean?
Life hasn't stopped. It keeps going. Things that happened before continue to happen. There are still crazy things happening out of our control. The waiting game continues, but that's life, isn't it? At least everything is okay. I won't lie, I thought about coming home for a few days, but I'll wait. It's still a little soon anyway. (which, I have been out here for three months.. as of three days from now. Where did that time go?)
In the whole friends regard, our group text still continues. We talk the same amount we did before, just not in person. Wine nights still exist, just at different times (time change.. am I right?). Life is still just as exciting as it was before. Now, that excitement doesn't make a skeptic. I know the excitement will continue. I know this happiness is true. Every day, I drive and just look around. Living in Los Angeles is one of the best decisions I have made. I look around, and it's beautiful out here. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in New England for these couple weeks of fall to admire the foliage, go apple picking, and wear those comfy cozy flannels and sweaters (as my roommate says, real flannel doesn't exist here). I enjoy being out here. There is surprisingly some foliage (not a lot).. surrounded by palm trees. I could get used to that, as well as not having to worry about 30degrees being the high one day and 65 the next only to go to 20 the following day. I am looking forward to having a sunny and warm winter and not having to clean off my car to start the day. Also, on a side note, for some reason, I just didn't put two and two together that it would dark early here. It's weird. The sun sets around 6:15 now, and I just always associated that with colder weather, not seventies and eighties (with some nineties). It's just very odd.
(as I'm writing this, I decided to switch up the music. One of my favorite bands that hardly anyone has heard of is Satellite. Their songs are, I don't know how to put it into words. They're just phenomenal. Speaking of music, those songs keep playing right at the right moment. The other day, "Calling All Angels" came on the radio, and it made me think of a best friend at home who I miss, but it feels to me like a message.. not a message, but a sign (I guess) that the people I care about most and miss are there with me. I love how it happens almost daily. the song from Stepmom came up the other day, and it reminded me of our childhood and how we would sing it often in my family. Satellite makes me think of another best friend who I introduced to the band. Whenever "Say the Words" comes on, we both sing in the car to it. end of the music side note)
I guess the whole point of this is, life is good. Oh my, is it beautiful. Driving home today, the sunset was just one you had to admire. It made being stuck in traffic bearable. It got me reflecting and just appreciating the opportunities I've had in life. I may not have a lot of material things, but I have the opportunity to come here and live in LA. My budget may be a little tight, but I can still do it. I'm living in the city where dreams come true and where winter doesn't exist (which is kind of like a dream). I'm just thankful I have family and friends back home who support my adventure out here. We may not to get to see each other often, but we're still together. It'll make the times we visit more precious. Like last weekend for example. My roommate from college came out here, and I got to see her for a couple hours. It was so nice to see her. It felt like nothing changed. We were on a different coast and in a different car, but other than that, it was the same. That's where that lyric aforementioned comes in. If you close your eyes, it feels like nothing changed.
I'm not saying change is a bad thing, not at all. I think change is great because it gives you a chance to experience something different. You could spend your whole life in one area, in one town or you could move somewhere else. You don't choose where you're from, but you do choose where you go. I'll always be from Massachusetts, but I won't always live there. Maybe one day down the road, I'll find myself there again. But right now, California is where I belong. Being in your twenties is the best time to get up and relocate. When I look back at this time in my life twenty years from now, I'll be so glad I took a chance.
Which leads me to that whole chance topic. In all aspects of life, you have to take chances. In moving, in career, in love, in everything. Don't be scared.. well, be scared. That's how you know it's worth it. As the saying goes, if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough. Seriously, go for it. What do you have to lose? nothing. Take that chance and don't look back, just go with it.
I think I've rambled on long enough. Thanks for sticking with me!
peace.love.happiness. (sending my love to the east coast, I miss you guys).
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Everyone Needs a Role Model
As I write this, I am listening to an old video from September 17th, 2011 of Demi Lovato singing "Skyscraper" and talking to the audience. For those of you who don't know Demi Lovato or her story, if you google her name, you'll be able to find it. Demi has been a role model to me since 2008. Her music has helped me in my lowest times. It has also been there in happy times. Since her return in 2011, she has encouraged people to embrace themselves and who they are. She has encouraged people to find happiness and to get help if need be. She has continuously thanked her fans for being there and always dedicating songs to them. She has been a voice for a generation who so desperately needed it. She has decided to battle the stigma with mental health and battle the celebrity norm of being as skinny as possible. She promotes good health, both physical and mental.
Every time I see her in concert, she puts on an amazing show. Somehow, each show is better than the last. Yes, I am a huge fan, a lovatic. I have seen Demi in concert seven times (three this year alone.. Neon Lights Tour in March, World Tour two weeks ago, and tonight at the Vevo Certified Super Fanfest). I will continue to go to her concerts throughout the years. One day, I will meet her and thank her for everything she has done and for her music.
For now, I just wanted to post. I just got back from the concert tonight. Some of you know why I've been so dedicated. Some of you have probably speculated. Even if she didn't promote what she does, I would still be a fan. I have been before her image changed and she became a true role model.
She has been my role model for a while, and I'm glad she is. I'm glad teenagers today and younger and people my age and older have someone who they can look up to who isn't trying to be fake and be someone they are not. Demi is real, she doesn't put on a front when she interacts with fans. She doesn't hide things or try to cover up imperfections. That is what this generation so desperately needs. In a world so focused on trying to be perfect, she proves you don't have be somebody else's definition of perfect. You should be your own.
Thank you for being a role model. Thank you for touring and sharing your story and being brave and putting everything you have into every performance.
Every time I see her in concert, she puts on an amazing show. Somehow, each show is better than the last. Yes, I am a huge fan, a lovatic. I have seen Demi in concert seven times (three this year alone.. Neon Lights Tour in March, World Tour two weeks ago, and tonight at the Vevo Certified Super Fanfest). I will continue to go to her concerts throughout the years. One day, I will meet her and thank her for everything she has done and for her music.
For now, I just wanted to post. I just got back from the concert tonight. Some of you know why I've been so dedicated. Some of you have probably speculated. Even if she didn't promote what she does, I would still be a fan. I have been before her image changed and she became a true role model.
She has been my role model for a while, and I'm glad she is. I'm glad teenagers today and younger and people my age and older have someone who they can look up to who isn't trying to be fake and be someone they are not. Demi is real, she doesn't put on a front when she interacts with fans. She doesn't hide things or try to cover up imperfections. That is what this generation so desperately needs. In a world so focused on trying to be perfect, she proves you don't have be somebody else's definition of perfect. You should be your own. Thank you for being a role model. Thank you for touring and sharing your story and being brave and putting everything you have into every performance.
Friday, September 26, 2014
3000 Miles
The past couple of blogs have been about the good things of being here in Los Angeles. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. Moving across the country, 3,000 miles away from your life-- family, friends, childhood, pets, places, memories, everything-- there are bound to be some challenges.
First off, I do miss everyone. Don't think I've forgotten about any of you. You cross my mind daily. I genuinely mean it when I say I can't wait to see you again, and I look forward to seeing you. It's not like we haven't done this before. So this time, I'm not just 100 miles away and an easy two hour car ride, it's a six hour flight plus the time it takes to travel to and from the airport and time in the airport, but I'm still where I was in a way. It's the same, just a matter of the mind.
There are nights and days when I wish I could see those closest to me, but I know I can't. At least we have phones, and facebook, and pictures. I like to not think about being 3,000 miles away and how I don't know when I'll see people next, but sometimes, it crosses my mind. That's something none of us can help. I'm sure you have some tough nights too. I'm here.
I know holidays will be tough. We don't know if I'll be home or not, or if I'll be able to come home depending on work and what not. But, we shouldn't worry about that. Even if we're not together on the days we normally are, at least we'll be together at some point.
For me, the main thing that I wish I could be home for is this Saturday. The premiere of our film 26.2mi Closer to Living at the Boston Film Festival. It's my directorial debut, and I won't be there to share the joy of showing this film to the city it was made for with the people who put so much (and best friends), a year's work plus sleepless night after sleepless night, into this 12 minute film. I would love to be there more than anything. I even considered flying out early in the morning and flying back the following morning, but that's just a little insane. I'll catch you at the next film festival. Just like I'll catch you at the next holidays.
I'm not the first person to move 3,000 miles away in this family, and I won't be the last. We are a family that seeks adventure, a family that seeks something different. To quote Francois Rabelais, "I go to seek a great perhaps." Go, I did. Seek, I am. We move to see what will happen, to make a dream reality, to not regret the what ifs we are left with later in life.
This is where I am. When I hear certain songs, they bring to moments with my favorite people. When I see certain pictures, I laugh at all the memories. Sometimes, on the days I need it most, I hear something (like the Proclaimers song "500 miles (I'll Be)") and just smile because I know you guys are with me every step of the way. Just because I'm 3000 miles away doesn't mean I'm gone. I'm here. I look forward to the next time I see you.
First off, I do miss everyone. Don't think I've forgotten about any of you. You cross my mind daily. I genuinely mean it when I say I can't wait to see you again, and I look forward to seeing you. It's not like we haven't done this before. So this time, I'm not just 100 miles away and an easy two hour car ride, it's a six hour flight plus the time it takes to travel to and from the airport and time in the airport, but I'm still where I was in a way. It's the same, just a matter of the mind.
There are nights and days when I wish I could see those closest to me, but I know I can't. At least we have phones, and facebook, and pictures. I like to not think about being 3,000 miles away and how I don't know when I'll see people next, but sometimes, it crosses my mind. That's something none of us can help. I'm sure you have some tough nights too. I'm here.
I know holidays will be tough. We don't know if I'll be home or not, or if I'll be able to come home depending on work and what not. But, we shouldn't worry about that. Even if we're not together on the days we normally are, at least we'll be together at some point.
For me, the main thing that I wish I could be home for is this Saturday. The premiere of our film 26.2mi Closer to Living at the Boston Film Festival. It's my directorial debut, and I won't be there to share the joy of showing this film to the city it was made for with the people who put so much (and best friends), a year's work plus sleepless night after sleepless night, into this 12 minute film. I would love to be there more than anything. I even considered flying out early in the morning and flying back the following morning, but that's just a little insane. I'll catch you at the next film festival. Just like I'll catch you at the next holidays.
I'm not the first person to move 3,000 miles away in this family, and I won't be the last. We are a family that seeks adventure, a family that seeks something different. To quote Francois Rabelais, "I go to seek a great perhaps." Go, I did. Seek, I am. We move to see what will happen, to make a dream reality, to not regret the what ifs we are left with later in life.
This is where I am. When I hear certain songs, they bring to moments with my favorite people. When I see certain pictures, I laugh at all the memories. Sometimes, on the days I need it most, I hear something (like the Proclaimers song "500 miles (I'll Be)") and just smile because I know you guys are with me every step of the way. Just because I'm 3000 miles away doesn't mean I'm gone. I'm here. I look forward to the next time I see you.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Two months
Today, I am happy, and that is all that really matters to me. As of yesterday, I have been living in Los Angeles for two months. In that time, I have made many new friends, gotten to know the area, bonded with old friends, and have been working at the first Dunkin in LA.
Today was the first time I saw the line at Dunkins be only a few people. To most East Coasters, waiting more than 10-15 minutes tops is too long for Dunkins. However, when there is literally only one Dunkins, you can expect people to be waiting for an hour or more. Today, it was a long line that dwindled later on. It was a great feeling watching that line slowly become normal. Now, working at this new place that is talked about everywhere, you'd expect some crazy things happening. The other day, I served Alyson Hannigan and her family. That was exciting. I treated her like a normal person.. it was a Sunday morning after all. A few other celebs have passed through, but not too many yet. On Wednesday, Ellen (yes from the Ellen Show) set up a skit in our Dunkins to air on her show. No, she wasn't there, but I did make it on TV. You can click on the link here. That was pretty cool. Granted, I was more impressed by the film equipment in the back.
Life has been pretty good. No, I don't have a TV job yet, but there's still time to find something. Right now, I'm happy. That was the most important thing to me.
I've been spending most of my time working, but when I have days off, I listen to my new record player and watch Netflix. Occasionally, I walk around the area. Surprisingly, I have mostly morning shifts (well, they start in the morning) and have to get up early on a regular basis. That's probably for the better. Routine is kicking in, and so is growing up and being responsible. I know to put away money for bills first rather than spend it on something I want. I know that working overtime may be tiring, but it will be worth it when that paycheck comes. It's also fun. Something about working and paying my bills makes me feel good about myself. Working is also just fun. A day at Dunkins is a mix of everything. You get angry customers, but for every angry customer, there's 20 happy ones (at least). They make it worth it. So
Friday, August 15, 2014
(almost) One month
Just a few days shy of a month since I took that flight from Boston to Los Angeles.
This time, a month ago, I don't really remember what I did. It was a Monday. I remember what I did on Sunday and Wednesday and Thursday. That Monday and Tuesday, wait a minute. I think I remember. Nope, just what I did on Tuesday. For some reason, I just don't remember what I did on that Monday, unless that was the day my brothers and I went to Red Robin. The last couple weeks home all kind of combined together. Some moments are definitely very clear, especially the goodbyes. But a month. I survived a month in Los Angeles.
Once again, I'm here instead of on the East Coast with my siblings for our birthday. It's definitely a different feeling. Not many people would really be able to understand. Yes, it would be nice to celebrate with Sam and Jeffrey. However, at least I get to pick what I do on our birthday. Which, in case you were wondering, my friends and I are going to the beach for the day and then to a bar we have gone to a few times for some drinks and dinner. It'll be a fun and relaxing day. I expect to facetime with my other two thirds at some point (if you two are reading this, let's plan a time that works for all of us). It'll be nice. Then, when the three of us are together again, we'll celebrate like we did last year two months later. In my mind, a day is just a day. Yes, we were born on the 16th of August. No, that does not mean we can't celebrate at a different time.
Anyways, here's the update on life in California. If you follow me on instagram (@lvc816), you'll have seen my new hashtag of #_dayof365. I started this on August 2nd (just a random day), and originally, I was going to post the sunset every night. That got a little boring. Basically, I'm posting a picture every day of something that happened. Whether it be a place I went, outside, a sunset, something I made, etc. It's just a way to see what I've been seeing. It's also a way for me to remember this year. It is an important time in my life, with everything changing. Moving out is a huge step in growing up, and I'm doing it. It's been a month, and I'm still here. I still love it. No regrets on moving across the country.
No, I haven't gotten a film job yet. I worked on a webseries called Starstuck, which you should all check out once it's up. That was fun. I just recently got hired to work at Dunkin Donuts, pretty much the first one in Los Angeles. It opens up this month. Right now, we're training. Next week, we get to make the food and coffee (I can't wait to have a dunkins iced coffee). That'll be fun. It's something to help me make ends meet while still looking for a film or television gig.
Some things I have accomplished in this last month (with some help.. Thank you Mom and Dad): apartment, car (the first one that is truly mine, and I don't have to share), insurance (so expensive out here), job, making new friends, eating fresh fruit and vegetables, keeping my room clean, becoming a responsible adult.
A couple fun things: intern mixer, Qu in LA Afternoon, hanging out with Kim, Jazzy, and Shane, seeing dolphins at the beach with Lauren, getting Diddy Riese cookie ice cream sandwiches (I know, kind of cancels out the whole fresh fruit and vegetables), watching Guardians of the Galaxy, enjoying a night out in West Hollywood, walking around Westwood, learning my way around the city, sitting (or standing) out on the balcony at night gazing up the stars.
It's been a great month. I hope the following months go well and hold many new adventures. I also hope to find a tv or film gig soon, but I know it'll work out. Everything will be worth it.
Even though I don't know when it'll happen, I look forward to when my family comes out here, and I'll get to show them around and take them to my favorite places. I miss you all, and I can't wait until the next time I see you. It'll be soon enough. I'm always thinking about you guys. I love you. Jeffrey, give Eddie and Meeka some food from me and some extra pats(pets, petting.. just play with them and snuggle with them please).
Even though it's only the 15th, Happy Birthday Sam and Jeffrey, can't believe we're 22!
peace.love.happiness.
This time, a month ago, I don't really remember what I did. It was a Monday. I remember what I did on Sunday and Wednesday and Thursday. That Monday and Tuesday, wait a minute. I think I remember. Nope, just what I did on Tuesday. For some reason, I just don't remember what I did on that Monday, unless that was the day my brothers and I went to Red Robin. The last couple weeks home all kind of combined together. Some moments are definitely very clear, especially the goodbyes. But a month. I survived a month in Los Angeles.
Once again, I'm here instead of on the East Coast with my siblings for our birthday. It's definitely a different feeling. Not many people would really be able to understand. Yes, it would be nice to celebrate with Sam and Jeffrey. However, at least I get to pick what I do on our birthday. Which, in case you were wondering, my friends and I are going to the beach for the day and then to a bar we have gone to a few times for some drinks and dinner. It'll be a fun and relaxing day. I expect to facetime with my other two thirds at some point (if you two are reading this, let's plan a time that works for all of us). It'll be nice. Then, when the three of us are together again, we'll celebrate like we did last year two months later. In my mind, a day is just a day. Yes, we were born on the 16th of August. No, that does not mean we can't celebrate at a different time.
Anyways, here's the update on life in California. If you follow me on instagram (@lvc816), you'll have seen my new hashtag of #_dayof365. I started this on August 2nd (just a random day), and originally, I was going to post the sunset every night. That got a little boring. Basically, I'm posting a picture every day of something that happened. Whether it be a place I went, outside, a sunset, something I made, etc. It's just a way to see what I've been seeing. It's also a way for me to remember this year. It is an important time in my life, with everything changing. Moving out is a huge step in growing up, and I'm doing it. It's been a month, and I'm still here. I still love it. No regrets on moving across the country.
No, I haven't gotten a film job yet. I worked on a webseries called Starstuck, which you should all check out once it's up. That was fun. I just recently got hired to work at Dunkin Donuts, pretty much the first one in Los Angeles. It opens up this month. Right now, we're training. Next week, we get to make the food and coffee (I can't wait to have a dunkins iced coffee). That'll be fun. It's something to help me make ends meet while still looking for a film or television gig.
Some things I have accomplished in this last month (with some help.. Thank you Mom and Dad): apartment, car (the first one that is truly mine, and I don't have to share), insurance (so expensive out here), job, making new friends, eating fresh fruit and vegetables, keeping my room clean, becoming a responsible adult.
A couple fun things: intern mixer, Qu in LA Afternoon, hanging out with Kim, Jazzy, and Shane, seeing dolphins at the beach with Lauren, getting Diddy Riese cookie ice cream sandwiches (I know, kind of cancels out the whole fresh fruit and vegetables), watching Guardians of the Galaxy, enjoying a night out in West Hollywood, walking around Westwood, learning my way around the city, sitting (or standing) out on the balcony at night gazing up the stars.
It's been a great month. I hope the following months go well and hold many new adventures. I also hope to find a tv or film gig soon, but I know it'll work out. Everything will be worth it.
Even though I don't know when it'll happen, I look forward to when my family comes out here, and I'll get to show them around and take them to my favorite places. I miss you all, and I can't wait until the next time I see you. It'll be soon enough. I'm always thinking about you guys. I love you. Jeffrey, give Eddie and Meeka some food from me and some extra pats(pets, petting.. just play with them and snuggle with them please).
Even though it's only the 15th, Happy Birthday Sam and Jeffrey, can't believe we're 22!
peace.love.happiness.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
No Place I'd Rather Be
Well, it's official. I have moved to Los Angeles. I have an apartment. I have a car. I'm still working on the job. I did have a shoot the other day that was great.
While writing this, I'm listening to "Best Day of My Life" by American Authors. It's been stuck in my head since I got here.
I'm all moved into my apartment. It's a nice place, brand new building. It's a little like dorm style living. I'll have two other girls in the same room as me, but they won't be here until September 1st. That's right, a triple all to my self which is great for adjusting and being able to move in and arrange/organize my stuff. There's a stove and oven, microwave, dishwasher (although handwashing is easier), and a washer and dryer here. It came fully furnished. It's in a safe area with security cameras and what not. Oh, and I have a nice place to park my car in the parking garage (no, I was not affected by the water main break about a mile from here, luckily).
The other day, I was driving when it hit me that I'm really here. This time, it isn't just for two months. This is my new home. That is an equally exciting as it is terrifying feeling. It's like starting college all over again, not really knowing what to expect. All I know is, I'm here. I'm not leaving any time soon, no matter how much I may miss home at times. I have to give myself at least a year (preferably more) to stick it out. Think about it. We all need to get jobs, we all need to move out of our parent's home, and make a life for ourselves. So why not make it on the other side of the country? Why not? This is the last chance in my life I get to just pick up and leave without anything tying me down.. no job, no significant other, no kids. What better time than now?
I do miss my family and friends, but I have friends here too and family ( I may not know them very well, but hey, they're still family). The week leading up actually flying out here was tough. Saying goodbye to people and not knowing when you'll see them is not easy. I hate goodbyes, then again, who doesn't? I prefer taking the not actually acknowledging it as a goodbye rather a see you later route. Saying goodbye to the people who have been there for me my whole life, not an easy thing. Talking to them is so wonderful, but also so hard. While at school, I had a tendency of not talking to people at home, and while at home, I had a tendency of not talking to people from school unless they were nearby. I guess, for me, it's easier to not think about it. So, if I don't call you often, don't take it offensively, it's just my coping mechanism for being 3,000 miles away from you. Also, it makes the phone call more special. Like today, I got to talk to my grandmother. It was so nice to hear her voice. I look forward to the next time I see you.
Back to the craziness of this week alone. I'm sure by now, you've heard about the thunderstorm at Venice Beach that resulted in 13 lightning strikes hitting people. That was Sunday. Lesson learned.. there is still weather to be tracked out here. Tuesday, there was a water main break near UCLA (which is less than a mile from me). The pipe was 93 years old. Really, the city should have replaced it. The water resulted in a sink hole. I decided it would be best to avoid that area. Luckily, no flooding occurred over here, just a bunch of helicopters. Today, there was an earthquake measuring 3.0 by Manhattan beach, about fifteen miles from here. I didn't feel anything. Hopefully, there won't be a big earthquake any time soon. Let's see what happens tomorrow.
You know what is so great about Los Angeles? During the day, it's absolutely beautiful outside. It gets hot, but not humid. At night, it cools off so nicely. It's perfect sleeping weather. I was standing on my balcony before writing this and just stared up at the sky. I am so grateful for the opportunity to move across the country and to have the support from everyone back home. Come visit whenever.
Well, I'm going to get back to Orange is the New Black (I finally started watching that show). I can get in a couple episodes before I go to bed. It's only 10 here.
Thank you for supporting me. I love you.
peace.love.happiness.
While writing this, I'm listening to "Best Day of My Life" by American Authors. It's been stuck in my head since I got here.
I'm all moved into my apartment. It's a nice place, brand new building. It's a little like dorm style living. I'll have two other girls in the same room as me, but they won't be here until September 1st. That's right, a triple all to my self which is great for adjusting and being able to move in and arrange/organize my stuff. There's a stove and oven, microwave, dishwasher (although handwashing is easier), and a washer and dryer here. It came fully furnished. It's in a safe area with security cameras and what not. Oh, and I have a nice place to park my car in the parking garage (no, I was not affected by the water main break about a mile from here, luckily).
The other day, I was driving when it hit me that I'm really here. This time, it isn't just for two months. This is my new home. That is an equally exciting as it is terrifying feeling. It's like starting college all over again, not really knowing what to expect. All I know is, I'm here. I'm not leaving any time soon, no matter how much I may miss home at times. I have to give myself at least a year (preferably more) to stick it out. Think about it. We all need to get jobs, we all need to move out of our parent's home, and make a life for ourselves. So why not make it on the other side of the country? Why not? This is the last chance in my life I get to just pick up and leave without anything tying me down.. no job, no significant other, no kids. What better time than now?
I do miss my family and friends, but I have friends here too and family ( I may not know them very well, but hey, they're still family). The week leading up actually flying out here was tough. Saying goodbye to people and not knowing when you'll see them is not easy. I hate goodbyes, then again, who doesn't? I prefer taking the not actually acknowledging it as a goodbye rather a see you later route. Saying goodbye to the people who have been there for me my whole life, not an easy thing. Talking to them is so wonderful, but also so hard. While at school, I had a tendency of not talking to people at home, and while at home, I had a tendency of not talking to people from school unless they were nearby. I guess, for me, it's easier to not think about it. So, if I don't call you often, don't take it offensively, it's just my coping mechanism for being 3,000 miles away from you. Also, it makes the phone call more special. Like today, I got to talk to my grandmother. It was so nice to hear her voice. I look forward to the next time I see you.
Back to the craziness of this week alone. I'm sure by now, you've heard about the thunderstorm at Venice Beach that resulted in 13 lightning strikes hitting people. That was Sunday. Lesson learned.. there is still weather to be tracked out here. Tuesday, there was a water main break near UCLA (which is less than a mile from me). The pipe was 93 years old. Really, the city should have replaced it. The water resulted in a sink hole. I decided it would be best to avoid that area. Luckily, no flooding occurred over here, just a bunch of helicopters. Today, there was an earthquake measuring 3.0 by Manhattan beach, about fifteen miles from here. I didn't feel anything. Hopefully, there won't be a big earthquake any time soon. Let's see what happens tomorrow.
You know what is so great about Los Angeles? During the day, it's absolutely beautiful outside. It gets hot, but not humid. At night, it cools off so nicely. It's perfect sleeping weather. I was standing on my balcony before writing this and just stared up at the sky. I am so grateful for the opportunity to move across the country and to have the support from everyone back home. Come visit whenever.
Well, I'm going to get back to Orange is the New Black (I finally started watching that show). I can get in a couple episodes before I go to bed. It's only 10 here.
Thank you for supporting me. I love you.
peace.love.happiness.
Monday, July 14, 2014
A new song
So lately, I have had a couple lyrics running through my head. I didn't take the time to actually write them down and form a song out of them because I figured I should be packing. Then today, I decided to write. I don't have music to it yet, but that can be added later. Here's my new song, just written a little over an hour ago. Let me know what you think!
also... 3 more days on the East Coast!! I'm getting excited. And packing is coming along well.
also... 3 more days on the East Coast!! I'm getting excited. And packing is coming along well.
I’m on my way
I’m not here to stay
I’m on my way
Off to LA
I don’t know when I’ll be back
But don’t you worry you see
I’m off to the place
Where I’m happy as can be
The land where my dreams will come true
Oh I’m on my way
But don’t you worry
I’ll be back some day
I won’t forget about you
Just the pain I’ve been through
No longer a need
For this town for me
It was great growing up
But it’s not longer for me
Oh I’m on my way
Off to LA
I think we all saw this coming
I was always meant to leave
Because these dreams of mine
Are too big for this town
Oh I’m a small town girl
With big city dreams
So I’ll say so long
See you later
Off to the sun I go
So I’ll say so long see you later
Oh off to the sun I go
One day you’ll see why
I had to leave
One day you’ll see why
Oh don’t you grieve
This is what’s best for me
I’m a small town girl with big city dreams
Yeah, this is what’s best for me
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Life is Changing
I haven't blogged in a while for a couple of reasons. First off, I just didn't know how to put everything into words about everything that was happening. Second, I lost my computer charger for a month and just recently found it (It was under some clothes on top of some boxes).
So, what has happened since my last post? Well..
I had my last set of finals
I graduated college
I visited Sam at Bowdoin
I saw her graduate college
I went to England (London, Wittering, Isle of Wight, Godalming)
I drove to Long Island with Sarah for Amy's grad party
Had our grad party
Hung out by the pool
Hung out by the ocean
renewed my license
closed one bank account and opened up another
drove to the Cape
slept
went mini golfing at Pirate's Cove
ate ice cream
and just enjoyed the last bit of being in Massachusetts.
oh yeah, I bought my plane ticket to Los Angeles. I'll be heading out there on July 17th.
Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. Life is changing quickly right before me. All four of us are graduated, and it's now time to put what learned to the test. It's time to make a life for ourselves. Moving across the country is one huge step, but isn't the first step you take the longest stride anyway? I'm moving in eleven days, and I have nothing set up yet. I'm not really worried about it. I'll figure it out. For the time being, I'm just going to enjoy my last week and a half on this coast with the people who love me. I'll try to do everything I want, but it is a short amount of time, and I still have a lot of packing to do (and unpacking and sorting). Starting tomorrow (since I'm still down the Cape, enjoying my last few hours here before I don't know when I'll be back), packing begins. It starts with a list, followed by some sorting, followed by packing. If you're reading this and are bored, feel free to come on by and help with this process. :)
When thinking about what to write for this post, I had so many thoughts going through my head. Now that I'm writing, none of those seem relevant right now. Maybe another post in the future will include the graduation feelings and the chaos of everything to come. At this moment, I'm relaxed. So i'm going to enjoy that.
until next post
peace.love.happiness.
So, what has happened since my last post? Well..
I had my last set of finals
I graduated college
I visited Sam at Bowdoin
I saw her graduate college
I went to England (London, Wittering, Isle of Wight, Godalming)
I drove to Long Island with Sarah for Amy's grad party
Had our grad party
Hung out by the pool
Hung out by the ocean
renewed my license
closed one bank account and opened up another
drove to the Cape
slept
went mini golfing at Pirate's Cove
ate ice cream
and just enjoyed the last bit of being in Massachusetts.
oh yeah, I bought my plane ticket to Los Angeles. I'll be heading out there on July 17th.
Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. Life is changing quickly right before me. All four of us are graduated, and it's now time to put what learned to the test. It's time to make a life for ourselves. Moving across the country is one huge step, but isn't the first step you take the longest stride anyway? I'm moving in eleven days, and I have nothing set up yet. I'm not really worried about it. I'll figure it out. For the time being, I'm just going to enjoy my last week and a half on this coast with the people who love me. I'll try to do everything I want, but it is a short amount of time, and I still have a lot of packing to do (and unpacking and sorting). Starting tomorrow (since I'm still down the Cape, enjoying my last few hours here before I don't know when I'll be back), packing begins. It starts with a list, followed by some sorting, followed by packing. If you're reading this and are bored, feel free to come on by and help with this process. :)
When thinking about what to write for this post, I had so many thoughts going through my head. Now that I'm writing, none of those seem relevant right now. Maybe another post in the future will include the graduation feelings and the chaos of everything to come. At this moment, I'm relaxed. So i'm going to enjoy that.
until next post
peace.love.happiness.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Done
It's official, I am done with college (as of two hours from now.. I have a pizza party to go to still for my last class). Where did that time go? Well, it flew by, but it gave me so many great memories. Some people don't want to hear the word graduation, but I am generally excited for it. Why shouldn't I be? I just worked incredibly these past four years for that degree! I earned it, and I enjoyed my time here.
You see, when I got to college, I told myself that I wasn't going to waste these four years. When I left high school, I wrote a song with the lyric, "These four years sure went by fast, but that's nothing compared to what's next." That's why I knew I had to make the most of these four years. I did. I know it's cliche, but, no, I'm not the same person I was when I got here. When I left Uxbridge, I was scared. I didn't even think I'd want to go as far as New York. Now, I'm moving to California. 18 year old me wouldn't have been that daring. When I was a freshman, I had fears. I wasn't sure if I would make any friends because my friends had always been Sam and Jeffrey's friends too. I wasn't sure if I would really love it or be able to handle being away from my family. I found out I can make friends. I can handle being away. I love Quinnipiac. It's given me so much more than I could have asked for. When I was a freshman, I was nervous. I was insecure and shy. Ask anyone here, I'm not really shy anymore, and I'm now confident. I went from being depressed and not being able to handle it and feeling worthless to being happy and knowing I'm worth something. Throughout these four years, I found myself. I think that's my favorite thing about these four years.
These four years, I've been involved, I've taken advantage of every situation I could, and I took chances. I lived in LA, I had four internships, I became vice president of QFS, I became Executive Producer of TMA, I made friends who I can't imagine my life without, and I learned how to stand up for myself and not be a pushover. I learned that you get what you put in. I learned how to light a studio, how to technical direct, and how to direct. I learned how to be a leader and how to always offer a welcoming smile. I learned to embrace my crazy side and not be afraid to make a fool of myself in public (yes, that includes singing Frozen in the halls of MassComm and in the parking lots). I learned to laugh at myself. I learned to feel different emotions. I learned to face my problems. I learned to change something if I don't like it. I learned what it's like to become close to someone in a short amount of time and realize you'll always be best friends. I learned that you can't understand how people you just met weren't a part of your life until now. I learned professors aren't people to be afraid of, in fact, they're people to befriend. I learned to take every opportunity I can. I learned to never take anything for granted and to appreciate whatever job you have. I learned that sometimes, it's okay to be a little irresponsible. Lastly, I learned it's good to take risks and make the films you want to make.
These four years have been simply amazing. Am I sad to leave? Yes and no. I'm leaving without regrets (well, the only regret I have is not befriending a couple people sooner, but that's okay because they'll be a part of my life from here on out). I will miss people, but I'll stay in contact with them. I'll miss the studio, but I'll get to work in bigger ones. I'll miss walking around campus when it's warm, but I took it in while I was here. I'll miss a good amount, but the amount of memories I have made here have made these last four years worth it.
To all you co-graduates, get excited because you earned it. You earned that degree and deserve to celebrate and be proud of these last four years.
peace.love.happiness.
You see, when I got to college, I told myself that I wasn't going to waste these four years. When I left high school, I wrote a song with the lyric, "These four years sure went by fast, but that's nothing compared to what's next." That's why I knew I had to make the most of these four years. I did. I know it's cliche, but, no, I'm not the same person I was when I got here. When I left Uxbridge, I was scared. I didn't even think I'd want to go as far as New York. Now, I'm moving to California. 18 year old me wouldn't have been that daring. When I was a freshman, I had fears. I wasn't sure if I would make any friends because my friends had always been Sam and Jeffrey's friends too. I wasn't sure if I would really love it or be able to handle being away from my family. I found out I can make friends. I can handle being away. I love Quinnipiac. It's given me so much more than I could have asked for. When I was a freshman, I was nervous. I was insecure and shy. Ask anyone here, I'm not really shy anymore, and I'm now confident. I went from being depressed and not being able to handle it and feeling worthless to being happy and knowing I'm worth something. Throughout these four years, I found myself. I think that's my favorite thing about these four years.
These four years, I've been involved, I've taken advantage of every situation I could, and I took chances. I lived in LA, I had four internships, I became vice president of QFS, I became Executive Producer of TMA, I made friends who I can't imagine my life without, and I learned how to stand up for myself and not be a pushover. I learned that you get what you put in. I learned how to light a studio, how to technical direct, and how to direct. I learned how to be a leader and how to always offer a welcoming smile. I learned to embrace my crazy side and not be afraid to make a fool of myself in public (yes, that includes singing Frozen in the halls of MassComm and in the parking lots). I learned to laugh at myself. I learned to feel different emotions. I learned to face my problems. I learned to change something if I don't like it. I learned what it's like to become close to someone in a short amount of time and realize you'll always be best friends. I learned that you can't understand how people you just met weren't a part of your life until now. I learned professors aren't people to be afraid of, in fact, they're people to befriend. I learned to take every opportunity I can. I learned to never take anything for granted and to appreciate whatever job you have. I learned that sometimes, it's okay to be a little irresponsible. Lastly, I learned it's good to take risks and make the films you want to make.
These four years have been simply amazing. Am I sad to leave? Yes and no. I'm leaving without regrets (well, the only regret I have is not befriending a couple people sooner, but that's okay because they'll be a part of my life from here on out). I will miss people, but I'll stay in contact with them. I'll miss the studio, but I'll get to work in bigger ones. I'll miss walking around campus when it's warm, but I took it in while I was here. I'll miss a good amount, but the amount of memories I have made here have made these last four years worth it.
To all you co-graduates, get excited because you earned it. You earned that degree and deserve to celebrate and be proud of these last four years.
peace.love.happiness.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Love.
From a young age, we are taught that love is the thing that matters the most. For most of my life, I have interpreted this as love between two people dating and in a relationship that leads to marriage. Recently I've been thinking more about that. Love in a dating relationship isn't the most important thing. Love between friends, between family, and in other forms of relationship are the kinds of love that really matter. You won't always have a significant other. That's just life. What matters is that you still have people around you who love you. If it weren't for the love from my family, I wouldn't be where I am today. If it weren't for the love from my best friends, I wouldn't get by on a daily basis. Love isn't specific to just a dating relationship. It refers to every kind of relationship, and I think that's the important thing to remember. We get caught up thinking we must be dating someone at all times because everybody always asks. We think there must be something wrong with ourselves if we are not dating someone. There has to be some reason why you're single. There is nothing wrong with you. In my opinion, love from friends and family is the most important thing. Relationships come and go, but family is always there for you no matter what, same with your closest friends. Why do we put so much value on something that isn't permanent? Something so fragile? Some of us are lucky to find "the one" who also ends up being in the best friend category and then eventually family. Sometimes, it just takes longer to find "the one". That's fine. Life is about living. Not living for others, but living for yourself. If someone doesn't make you happy, why should you keep them in it?
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, but I just know, without the love from family and friends, love would be pointless.
After all, love is what connects us. It's what happens when you can be so mad at someone but still care for them and know you'll get past whatever you're mad about. Love is that thing that makes you believe you would do anything for a person because they mean the world to you. Love is knowing someone will always be there for you no matter what.
Just remember that. Love isn't just for dating. Love is for everyday life.
peace.love.happiness.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, but I just know, without the love from family and friends, love would be pointless.
After all, love is what connects us. It's what happens when you can be so mad at someone but still care for them and know you'll get past whatever you're mad about. Love is that thing that makes you believe you would do anything for a person because they mean the world to you. Love is knowing someone will always be there for you no matter what.
Just remember that. Love isn't just for dating. Love is for everyday life.
peace.love.happiness.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Never a dull moment, right?
April 6th. In 15 days, we'll be filming our last shoot: the Boston Marathon. In 17 days, our project is due. Also in 17 days, a new executive board will be elected for film society. In 22 days, i'll have my last episode of TMA ever for Q30. In 24 days, I'll attend my last film society meeting. In 26 days, classes will be over. In 33 days, finals will be done. In 42 days, I will be a college graduate. In 49 days, I will be on my way to England. About a month after that, I will be on my way to California.
Looking at this list, and all I can think of is how exciting my life is about to be and how much is about to change. I'm wicked excited to graduate and even more excited to move out to California and pursue a career in Television. Looking at this list is also kind of sad. Every Wednesday night since freshman year, I have gone to Film Society meetings. Every Monday morning (occasionally Wednesday) since second semester freshman year, I have gone to tape TMA. It's quickly coming to an end. I'm going to miss it so much. The friendships I have made in college are mostly due to these two organizations. They have played a big part in my college career. They have given me some of my closest friends, they have given me confidence, they have taught me how to use the film and studio equipment, and so many other things. But most of all, these clubs have taught me to be myself. It's okay to be a little crazy and not fit in to the standard. These people have been the most accepting people I have ever met. They are the ones who have seen me in laughing fits that end up with me on the floor. They are the ones who have comforted me when something is wrong. They are the ones I can turn to when I need help. They are the ones to put a smile on my face even when I'm having the worst day. QFS and TMA will always have a part of my heart because these two organizations have helped me become the person I am today who is ready to take on the world.
I know the next few weeks are going to be emotional roller coasters. I know as things begin to end, the reality of everything is going to kick in and become real. I know there will be moments when I cry because I'll miss it and moments I'll cry at the happy memories of the last four years. From just hanging out in mass comm to walking over to echlin 101 to heading into the piazza monday mornings to setting up the studio Tuesdays and Thursdays, the memories will fly through my mind. Like that one time Sarah and I filmed a project that brought the editing system to life and we ran around campus. Or that time (multiple times) watching people run into the studio doors that are glass. Or that time we ran into the kid who was supposed to be in the studio but was at a bar instead and walked into us on campus after. Or that time, we broke the bed in class after our professor told us all to get on it for a class picture and realized what was about to happen. Or that time the blender didn't work to well during the sketch. Or that time we sang and danced to "Don't Stop Believing" during relay. Or that time we filmed a music video on admitted students day weekend to "Call Me Maybe". Or that time we did a last minute segment leaving Sarah with a sack of potatoes all day. Or pasta Wednesdays. Or that time there was spider in our room, and we didn't want to touch it. Or that time we snuck Eddie into campus. Or that time we had a whooooooole package of oreos. Or that time we danced on the bench at Aunchies. Or that time we painted a mural for community service. Or that time we stayed in for Frozen and Frozen. Or that time we made all our own food for the superbowl. Or that time we took our mattresses and all slept in the same room. Or that time we transformed the common room into a fort (well times). Or that time everything was abstract. Or that time we all just watched our shows in bed on Friday afternoon and did nothing else.
Random memories like these will just pop into my head the next few weeks and for years after these next few weeks. I'm sure hundreds of more memories will be made in just these short few weeks left.
So here's to making the most out of every moment left of our college careers.
Life's about to change more than we are prepared for, so let's just enjoy the last 42 days we have as college students and just be happy! :)
peace.love.happiness.
Looking at this list, and all I can think of is how exciting my life is about to be and how much is about to change. I'm wicked excited to graduate and even more excited to move out to California and pursue a career in Television. Looking at this list is also kind of sad. Every Wednesday night since freshman year, I have gone to Film Society meetings. Every Monday morning (occasionally Wednesday) since second semester freshman year, I have gone to tape TMA. It's quickly coming to an end. I'm going to miss it so much. The friendships I have made in college are mostly due to these two organizations. They have played a big part in my college career. They have given me some of my closest friends, they have given me confidence, they have taught me how to use the film and studio equipment, and so many other things. But most of all, these clubs have taught me to be myself. It's okay to be a little crazy and not fit in to the standard. These people have been the most accepting people I have ever met. They are the ones who have seen me in laughing fits that end up with me on the floor. They are the ones who have comforted me when something is wrong. They are the ones I can turn to when I need help. They are the ones to put a smile on my face even when I'm having the worst day. QFS and TMA will always have a part of my heart because these two organizations have helped me become the person I am today who is ready to take on the world.
I know the next few weeks are going to be emotional roller coasters. I know as things begin to end, the reality of everything is going to kick in and become real. I know there will be moments when I cry because I'll miss it and moments I'll cry at the happy memories of the last four years. From just hanging out in mass comm to walking over to echlin 101 to heading into the piazza monday mornings to setting up the studio Tuesdays and Thursdays, the memories will fly through my mind. Like that one time Sarah and I filmed a project that brought the editing system to life and we ran around campus. Or that time (multiple times) watching people run into the studio doors that are glass. Or that time we ran into the kid who was supposed to be in the studio but was at a bar instead and walked into us on campus after. Or that time, we broke the bed in class after our professor told us all to get on it for a class picture and realized what was about to happen. Or that time the blender didn't work to well during the sketch. Or that time we sang and danced to "Don't Stop Believing" during relay. Or that time we filmed a music video on admitted students day weekend to "Call Me Maybe". Or that time we did a last minute segment leaving Sarah with a sack of potatoes all day. Or pasta Wednesdays. Or that time there was spider in our room, and we didn't want to touch it. Or that time we snuck Eddie into campus. Or that time we had a whooooooole package of oreos. Or that time we danced on the bench at Aunchies. Or that time we painted a mural for community service. Or that time we stayed in for Frozen and Frozen. Or that time we made all our own food for the superbowl. Or that time we took our mattresses and all slept in the same room. Or that time we transformed the common room into a fort (well times). Or that time everything was abstract. Or that time we all just watched our shows in bed on Friday afternoon and did nothing else.
Random memories like these will just pop into my head the next few weeks and for years after these next few weeks. I'm sure hundreds of more memories will be made in just these short few weeks left.
So here's to making the most out of every moment left of our college careers.
Life's about to change more than we are prepared for, so let's just enjoy the last 42 days we have as college students and just be happy! :)
peace.love.happiness.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Today.
"'Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways, you see, now I believe in me." ~ Demi Lovato
In the past couple of weeks, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. I've been thinking about where I was and where I am. I used to be scared of saying my opinion and speaking up. I used to be scared of standing out and being different. I used to think I had to do what other people wanted me to do and be who others wanted me to be. What I used to think couldn't be further from the truth. I used to think I would never make it and be able to follow my dreams. I used to think I was good at nothing. I used to think a lot of negative thoughts. I used to think I wouldn't make it to graduation. I didn't believe in myself.
But why? I don't know. I used to let people push me around and do what other people wanted me to do and let them boss me around. When I got to college, I realized how destructive that was, but I didn't really do anything about it for awhile. A little over a year ago, I made the decision that I couldn't keep doing that. You know what? This past year has been the best year of my life.
I went from staying in the shadows to making my own path. I followed my dream to Los Angeles and had an amazing time out there and an experience of a lifetime. I went from feeling worthless to feeling like I was worth something. That's where I'm at today.
The last decade has been a bumpy ride. I expect the same of the next. The difference between the last decade and this decade is who I am. I'm no longer the girl afraid of her shadow. I'm the girl ready to take on the world. No more clouds to keep me down, just sun for me. I know the next few years, a lot will change. That's okay. Change can be the most terrifying thing and the most exciting thing at the same time.
I don't know how I'm going to manage a living in LA, but that's okay. I'll make it work. So I may have to get a place that isn't that nice and maybe get an air mattress or a futon for the beginning, but that's okay. I know that I'd rather have very little, love what I'm doing and be happy than have a lot, hate what I'm doing and be miserable. What's the point in that? I've seen too many people go a different path because it was easier or more stable, but then you're setting yourself for a lifetime of misery. I've always believed in following my dreams. Now I have the heart, the courage, and the faith to follow them. Because now, now I believe in me.
So lookout world, because I'm not a pushover anymore.
(also, if you haven't, give "Believe In Me" by Demi Lovato a listen. while you're at it, check out "Warrior", "Skyscraper", "Catch Me", and "Got Dynamite" too.. and the rest of her songs)
peace.love.happiness.
In the past couple of weeks, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. I've been thinking about where I was and where I am. I used to be scared of saying my opinion and speaking up. I used to be scared of standing out and being different. I used to think I had to do what other people wanted me to do and be who others wanted me to be. What I used to think couldn't be further from the truth. I used to think I would never make it and be able to follow my dreams. I used to think I was good at nothing. I used to think a lot of negative thoughts. I used to think I wouldn't make it to graduation. I didn't believe in myself.
But why? I don't know. I used to let people push me around and do what other people wanted me to do and let them boss me around. When I got to college, I realized how destructive that was, but I didn't really do anything about it for awhile. A little over a year ago, I made the decision that I couldn't keep doing that. You know what? This past year has been the best year of my life.
I went from staying in the shadows to making my own path. I followed my dream to Los Angeles and had an amazing time out there and an experience of a lifetime. I went from feeling worthless to feeling like I was worth something. That's where I'm at today.
The last decade has been a bumpy ride. I expect the same of the next. The difference between the last decade and this decade is who I am. I'm no longer the girl afraid of her shadow. I'm the girl ready to take on the world. No more clouds to keep me down, just sun for me. I know the next few years, a lot will change. That's okay. Change can be the most terrifying thing and the most exciting thing at the same time.
I don't know how I'm going to manage a living in LA, but that's okay. I'll make it work. So I may have to get a place that isn't that nice and maybe get an air mattress or a futon for the beginning, but that's okay. I know that I'd rather have very little, love what I'm doing and be happy than have a lot, hate what I'm doing and be miserable. What's the point in that? I've seen too many people go a different path because it was easier or more stable, but then you're setting yourself for a lifetime of misery. I've always believed in following my dreams. Now I have the heart, the courage, and the faith to follow them. Because now, now I believe in me.
So lookout world, because I'm not a pushover anymore.
(also, if you haven't, give "Believe In Me" by Demi Lovato a listen. while you're at it, check out "Warrior", "Skyscraper", "Catch Me", and "Got Dynamite" too.. and the rest of her songs)
peace.love.happiness.
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