Live.

Currently, I'm sitting on the couch with a full stomach. For that, I am thankful.

I am thankful for having parents who encouraged me to reach for the stars. I am thankful they also taught me how to cook. 

Today is my first holiday away from home, and I am okay. I am thankful to be here in Los Angeles. I am thankful to have been able to talk to my family these past two days even though they are in Massachusetts. I am thankful for being able to go to the beach today, to be able to have cooked a Thanksgiving meal on my own, to be able to watch this beautiful sunset today. I am thankful for my family and my friends. I am thankful to have people to care about on both coasts. I am thankful for having a family of friends on this coast. 

I am just thankful to be living, breathing, and being able to enjoy this life.

Happy Thanksgiving from my home to yours.

Breaking free

Today is November 26th, 2014. It's Wednesday. The last time November 26th was on Wednesday was six years ago, in 2008. That day was like any other day before Thanksgiving. It was a half day. A group of us got together, ordered pizza, and worked on our Spanish project due after the long weekend.  What changed that day was what we found the following evening. We found out our grandfather passed away. Grandpa, I know you're still watching over us. Now, you're probably playing soccer and coaching up there. I miss you, and I love you. Six years gone by is hard to believe, but they have. 

Normally, when I remember someone in my family who has passed, I don't put up a blog. Normally it's a commemorative post on facebook. This year is different. In 2008, I lost two grandparents (separate sides of the family) 4 months and 10 days apart from one another. The weird thing was both were on Wednesdays, both dates ending in a 6, and both days, we ate pizza. Now imagine my mind back then. I made it a point to not eat pizza on a Wednesday that had a 6 in the date. I just didn't. No, I still haven't eaten pizza on a Wednesday with a 6 in it since then. However, this year, I realize, that it was just coincidence. It was in no way some sign from the universe. It just so happened there were odd similarities. I realize that now. It wasn't some jinx. It was just their times to go. 

On this day this year, I want to thank you, Grandpa, for being so great. Thank you for instilling soccer in our family. Thank you for raising three children, one who is my father. Thank you for picking Grannie and I up right before it started raining. Thank you for the many weekends we spent together, just you, me, and Grannie when I was just a kid. Thank you for one of my favorite memories that I cherish (that time you asked Grannie to dance when to a Ray Charles song that was playing on tv when you were in the nursing home). 

And for the amount of times we caught you napping in your chair and we would wake you up by shouting...
"Ready, on the count of three, 1...2...3.. WAKE UP GRANDPA!"

"When other helpers fail and comforts flee, help of the helpless, oh, Abide with me."





Six years is a long time to let something like a coincidence control you. This year, I am breaking free of that anxiety.I know you'd both be proud.

Just around the corner

The last few days, I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's November. Thanksgiving is just six days away. Christmas is just over a month away. 

At this time last year, I was getting excited to head home for Thanksgiving Break, a whole week off and time spent cuddling with my dogs, hanging out with family, planning on doing that homework I would ultimately put off until the Sunday night I got back to school, and catching up with friends. Of course, planning out Thanksgiving from where I'll be at what time to what I'll cook and bake to shopping plans the following day. 
This year, I'm not on that trip back home. I'm not getting the warm greeting from my dogs. I'm not catching up with my best friends from home. I'm not spending a week with my family. 
However, I am still planning what I'll cook and bake (so for any California friends, come on by for some yummy food like green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, scalloped potatoes, and probably some chicken and some corn), what I want to buy on Black Friday, and spending time with new friends.  
These next five weeks are going to be different. We all know that. I'm trying to focus on the positive (like being thankful for the opportunity to live in California). While focusing on the positives, I also think about all the other things, but then I remind myself that I did choose to move across the country with uncertainty of when I'll be able to come home next. People visiting here helps. I saw my dad and stepmom for a couple days and got to show them where I live and take them to In N Out, Diddy Riese, and the Santa Monica Pier. Even though it was only a couple days, I enjoyed every moment of it. I know when more family visits (and friends), I'll enjoy every moment. That's something else I am thankful for. I may not get to see you guys a lot, but that has made me appreciate the little time together so much more. I look forward to the next time I am home (which will probably be in the spring). However, I also look forward to tomorrow and the next day and the next and so on because I am learning to enjoy each day. 

Even though I won't be home for the Holidays this year, I'll make them special somehow. Don't worry, you'll be getting pictures of me at the beach while it's snowing back home.

I know Thanksgiving is next week, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Maybe that's why it's a little easier not being home (at least today it is) because it feels like middle of June, not November. It's still 60s, 70s, and occasionally 80s here. 

Life is good. I'm happy here. I'm learning every day and growing up. Things are changing, and that's okay. 

On that note, expect more posts in the next few weeks. We got a couple big topics coming: being thankful, Christmas time, and my favorite, the end of a year and the chance for a new beginning.

I don't even know.

While writing this, I started off listening to "Pompeii" by Bastille because that song has been stuck in my head nonstop this past week or so. In a way, it explains what's going on right now. I also just really like the song and band. 

I've been in California for almost three months, but that lyric "If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" resonates in my mind. It feels like nothing has changed, but, at the same time, it feels everything has. Do you know what I mean? 
Life hasn't stopped. It keeps going. Things that happened before continue to happen. There are still crazy things happening out of our control. The waiting game continues, but that's life, isn't it? At least everything is okay. I won't lie, I thought about coming home for a few days, but I'll wait. It's still a little soon anyway. (which, I have been out here for three months.. as of three days from now. Where did that time go?)

In the whole friends regard, our group text still continues. We talk the same amount we did before, just not in person. Wine nights still exist, just at different times (time change.. am I right?). Life is still just as exciting as it was before. Now, that excitement doesn't make a skeptic. I know the excitement will continue. I know this happiness is true. Every day, I drive and just look around. Living in Los Angeles is one of the best decisions I have made. I look around, and it's beautiful out here. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in New England for these couple weeks of fall to admire the foliage, go apple picking, and wear those comfy cozy flannels and sweaters (as my roommate says, real flannel doesn't exist here). I enjoy being out here. There is surprisingly some foliage (not a lot).. surrounded by palm trees. I could get used to that, as well as not having to worry about 30degrees being the high one day and 65 the next only to go to 20 the following day. I am looking forward to having a sunny and warm winter and not having to clean off my car to start the day. Also, on a side note, for some reason, I just didn't put two and two together that it would dark early here. It's weird. The sun sets around 6:15 now, and I just always associated that with colder weather, not seventies and eighties (with some nineties). It's just very odd.

(as I'm writing this, I decided to switch up the music. One of my favorite bands that hardly anyone has heard of is Satellite. Their songs are, I don't know how to put it into words. They're just phenomenal. Speaking of music, those songs keep playing right at the right moment. The other day, "Calling All Angels" came on the radio, and it made me think of a best friend at home who I miss, but it feels to me like a message.. not a message, but a sign (I guess) that the people I care about most and miss are there with me. I love how it happens almost daily. the song from Stepmom came up the other day, and it reminded me of our childhood and how we would sing it often in my family. Satellite makes me think of another best friend who I introduced to the band. Whenever "Say the Words" comes on, we both sing in the car to it. end of the music side note)

I guess the whole point of this is, life is good. Oh my, is it beautiful. Driving home today, the sunset was just one you had to admire. It made being stuck in traffic bearable. It got me reflecting and just appreciating the opportunities I've had in life. I may not have a lot of material things, but I have the opportunity to come here and live in LA. My budget may be a little tight, but I can still do it. I'm living in the city where dreams come true and where winter doesn't exist (which is kind of like a dream). I'm just thankful I have family and friends back home who support my adventure out here. We may not to get to see each other often, but we're still together. It'll make the times we visit more precious. Like last weekend for example. My roommate from college came out here, and I got to see her for a couple hours. It was so nice to see her. It felt like nothing changed. We were on a different coast and in a different car, but other than that, it was the same. That's where that lyric aforementioned comes in. If you close your eyes, it feels like nothing changed. 

I'm not saying change is a bad thing, not at all. I think change is great because it gives you a chance to experience something different. You could spend your whole life in one area, in one town or you could move somewhere else. You don't choose where you're from, but you do choose where you go. I'll always be from Massachusetts, but I won't always live there. Maybe one day down the road, I'll find myself there again. But right now, California is where I belong. Being in your twenties is the best time to get up and relocate. When I look back at this time in my life twenty years from now, I'll be so glad I took a chance. 

Which leads me to that whole chance topic. In all aspects of life, you have to take chances. In moving, in career, in love, in everything. Don't be scared.. well, be scared. That's how you know it's worth it. As the saying goes, if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough. Seriously, go for it. What do you have to lose? nothing. Take that chance and don't look back, just go with it.

I think I've rambled on long enough. Thanks for sticking with me!

peace.love.happiness. (sending my love to the east coast, I miss you guys).

Everyone Needs a Role Model

As I write this, I am listening to an old video from September 17th, 2011 of Demi Lovato singing "Skyscraper" and talking to the audience. For those of you who don't know Demi Lovato or her story, if you google her name, you'll be able to find it. Demi has been a role model to me since 2008. Her music has helped me in my lowest times. It has also been there in happy times. Since her return in 2011, she has encouraged people to embrace themselves and who they are. She has encouraged people to find happiness and to get help if need be. She has continuously thanked her fans for being there and always dedicating songs to them. She has been a voice for a generation who so desperately needed it. She has decided to battle the stigma with mental health and battle the celebrity norm of being as skinny as possible. She promotes good health, both physical and mental. 

Every time I see her in concert, she puts on an amazing show. Somehow, each show is better than the last. Yes, I am a huge fan, a lovatic. I have seen Demi in concert seven times (three this year alone.. Neon Lights Tour in March, World Tour two weeks ago, and tonight at the Vevo Certified Super Fanfest). I will continue to go to her concerts throughout the years. One day, I will meet her and thank her for everything she has done and for her music. 

For now, I just wanted to post. I just got back from the concert tonight. Some of you know why I've been so dedicated. Some of you have probably speculated. Even if she didn't promote what she does, I would still be a fan. I have been before her image changed and she became a true role model. 
She has been my role model for a while, and I'm glad she is. I'm glad teenagers today and younger and people my age and older have someone who they can look up to who isn't trying to be fake and be someone they are not. Demi is real, she doesn't put on a front when she interacts with fans. She doesn't hide things or try to cover up imperfections. That is what this generation so desperately needs. In a world so focused on trying to be perfect, she proves you don't have be somebody else's definition of perfect. You should be your own. 

Thank you for being a role model. Thank you for touring and sharing your story and being brave and putting everything you have into every performance.

3000 Miles

The past couple of blogs have been about the good things of being here in Los Angeles. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. Moving across the country, 3,000 miles away from your life-- family, friends, childhood, pets, places, memories, everything-- there are bound to be some challenges. 

First off, I do miss everyone. Don't think I've forgotten about any of you. You cross my mind daily. I genuinely mean it when I say I can't wait to see you again, and I look forward to seeing you. It's not like we haven't done this before. So this time, I'm not just 100 miles away and an easy two hour car ride, it's a six hour flight plus the time it takes to travel to and from the airport and time in the airport, but I'm still where I was in a way. It's the same, just a matter of the mind. 

There are nights and days when I wish I could see those closest to me, but I know I can't. At least we have phones, and facebook, and pictures. I like to not think about being 3,000 miles away and how I don't know when I'll see people next, but sometimes, it crosses my mind. That's something none of us can help. I'm sure you have some tough nights too. I'm here. 

I know holidays will be tough. We don't know if I'll be home or not, or if I'll be able to come home depending on work and what not. But, we shouldn't worry about that. Even if we're not together on the days we normally are, at least we'll be together at some point. 

For me, the main thing that I wish I could be home for is this Saturday. The premiere of our film 26.2mi Closer to Living at the Boston Film Festival. It's my directorial debut, and I won't be there to share the joy of showing this film to the city it was made for with the people who put so much (and best friends), a year's work plus sleepless night after sleepless night, into this 12 minute film. I would love to be there more than anything. I even considered flying out early in the morning and flying back the following morning, but that's just a little insane. I'll catch you at the next film festival. Just like I'll catch you at the next holidays. 

I'm not the first person to move 3,000 miles away in this family, and I won't be the last. We are a family that seeks adventure, a family that seeks something different. To quote Francois Rabelais, "I go to seek a great perhaps." Go, I did. Seek, I am. We move to see what will happen, to make a dream reality, to not regret the what ifs we are left with later in life. 

This is where I am. When I hear certain songs, they bring to moments with my favorite people. When I see certain pictures, I laugh at all the memories. Sometimes, on the days I need it most, I hear something (like the Proclaimers song "500 miles (I'll Be)") and just smile because I know you guys are with me every step of the way. Just because I'm 3000 miles away doesn't mean I'm gone. I'm here. I look forward to the next time I see you.

Two months

Today, I am happy, and that is all that really matters to me. As of yesterday, I have been living in Los Angeles for two months. In that time, I have made many new friends, gotten to know the area, bonded with old friends, and have been working at the first Dunkin in LA. 

Today was the first time I saw the line at Dunkins be only a few people. To most East Coasters, waiting more than 10-15 minutes tops is too long for Dunkins. However, when there is literally only one Dunkins, you can expect people to be waiting for an hour or more. Today, it was a long line that dwindled later on. It was a great feeling watching that line slowly become normal. Now, working at this new place that is talked about everywhere, you'd expect some crazy things happening. The other day, I served Alyson Hannigan and her family. That was exciting. I treated her like a normal person.. it was a Sunday morning after all. A few other celebs have passed through, but not too many yet. On Wednesday, Ellen (yes from the Ellen Show) set up a skit in our Dunkins to air on her show. No, she wasn't there, but I did make it on TV. You can click on the link here. That was pretty cool. Granted, I was more impressed by the film equipment in the back. 

Life has been pretty good. No, I don't have a TV job yet, but there's still time to find something. Right now, I'm happy. That was the most important thing to me.

I've been spending most of my time working, but when I have days off, I listen to my new record player and watch Netflix. Occasionally, I walk around the area. Surprisingly, I have mostly morning shifts (well, they start in the morning) and have to get up early on a regular basis. That's probably for the better. Routine is kicking in, and so is growing up and being responsible. I know to put away money for bills first rather than spend it on something I want. I know that working overtime may be tiring, but it will be worth it when that paycheck comes. It's also fun. Something about working and paying my bills makes me feel good about myself. Working is also just fun. A day at Dunkins is a mix of everything. You get angry customers, but for every angry customer, there's 20 happy ones (at least). They make it worth it. So