As I write this, I'm listening to "Stone Cold" by Demi Lovato. It's her latest single. I'd suggest listening to the youtube version of her singing it live and raw. The vocals and emotion in it elicit emotion. This song perfectly sums up something I've been through recently. I won't go into too much detail, but essentially, I kinda liked one of my guy friends. Then he started dating someone. Then I realized we are better are good friends. He's someone I can trust and someone I value very much. This song just sums up that scenario. I am happy for him and support him.
Things happen in life that don't always go to plan. Instead of resorting to typical teenage girl emotion, I chose to be mature and respectful. Sometimes things happen because it's not meant to be or whatever. I like to believe things happen for a reason. If I'm being honest, our friendship went to a new level once I let go. That speaks volumes in itself. Just like I would look out for my brothers, I look out for him.
Recently, I was what you call in between apartments (aka homeless). No, I didn't live on the streets. One of my best friends let me stay with him. To have a friend who you've only met in the past year let you stay for a month is a great feeling. When I moved out here, I didn't know anyone. It was starting all over from a blank canvas. I had to create a life out here. For those of you know me, I'm a little shy and awkward when it comes to meeting people. Growing up, I always had siblings with me. Their friends where my friends and mine theirs. Then I moved out here. One year and (almost) three months later, a family has formed. I love my California family.
The past couple years have been amazing and eye opening because I finally started to live for myself. I became more confident, especially in this past year. You can see it in the way I hold myself, hear it in the way I talk, and notice in the way I handle things. Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be. Confidence is something I've struggled with because it's not always easy when you have two siblings the same age and grow up being compared to them in every aspect from smarts to appearance to athletic ability. I may not be the smartest, prettiest, or most athletic, but I'm happy with who I am. I may have some work to do, but, hey, I'm a work in progress. For this point in my life, that is exactly what I should be.
Ten years from now, these years are going to be memories. Ten years from now, I'll be able to look back and be proud of what I've accomplished and who I've become. My childhood formed me. My independence made me. As long as I stay true to myself, there is no reason to be disappointed or be full of regrets. These past couple years have shown me happiness, like the happiness I knew as a little kid before anything was wrong.
Anyways, back to #adulting. In the past month, I've signed a lease with two roommates, bought a mattress, and am in the process of signing up for a retirement plan. I've chosen early bedtime over going out. I've fallen asleep by 9:30 multiple times. I struggle to stay up much past that (I know, who am I? Me, going to bed early? getting up early?) Like I said, I'm becoming an adult and being responsible. I work most mornings at 5am. I only go out on the night before my day off and/or the night before my late day. I know getting to work on time and being functional is sometimes more important than socializing and getting drunk. Working around food is not the best thing when you're hungover. With that being said, I'm learning the importance of having fun and making sure you do have adventures. If life is solely work, what's the point of working? I work to have a life. I don't have a life to work.
I like where I am at right now. I like the transition I'm making. I'm proud of the person I've become in the past year.
For everyone back home, come visit. Life is good out here, and I have a cute little apartment with room for guests!
Sending sunshine and warmth your way
and sending my love
peace.love.happiness.
