I don't even know.

While writing this, I started off listening to "Pompeii" by Bastille because that song has been stuck in my head nonstop this past week or so. In a way, it explains what's going on right now. I also just really like the song and band. 

I've been in California for almost three months, but that lyric "If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" resonates in my mind. It feels like nothing has changed, but, at the same time, it feels everything has. Do you know what I mean? 
Life hasn't stopped. It keeps going. Things that happened before continue to happen. There are still crazy things happening out of our control. The waiting game continues, but that's life, isn't it? At least everything is okay. I won't lie, I thought about coming home for a few days, but I'll wait. It's still a little soon anyway. (which, I have been out here for three months.. as of three days from now. Where did that time go?)

In the whole friends regard, our group text still continues. We talk the same amount we did before, just not in person. Wine nights still exist, just at different times (time change.. am I right?). Life is still just as exciting as it was before. Now, that excitement doesn't make a skeptic. I know the excitement will continue. I know this happiness is true. Every day, I drive and just look around. Living in Los Angeles is one of the best decisions I have made. I look around, and it's beautiful out here. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in New England for these couple weeks of fall to admire the foliage, go apple picking, and wear those comfy cozy flannels and sweaters (as my roommate says, real flannel doesn't exist here). I enjoy being out here. There is surprisingly some foliage (not a lot).. surrounded by palm trees. I could get used to that, as well as not having to worry about 30degrees being the high one day and 65 the next only to go to 20 the following day. I am looking forward to having a sunny and warm winter and not having to clean off my car to start the day. Also, on a side note, for some reason, I just didn't put two and two together that it would dark early here. It's weird. The sun sets around 6:15 now, and I just always associated that with colder weather, not seventies and eighties (with some nineties). It's just very odd.

(as I'm writing this, I decided to switch up the music. One of my favorite bands that hardly anyone has heard of is Satellite. Their songs are, I don't know how to put it into words. They're just phenomenal. Speaking of music, those songs keep playing right at the right moment. The other day, "Calling All Angels" came on the radio, and it made me think of a best friend at home who I miss, but it feels to me like a message.. not a message, but a sign (I guess) that the people I care about most and miss are there with me. I love how it happens almost daily. the song from Stepmom came up the other day, and it reminded me of our childhood and how we would sing it often in my family. Satellite makes me think of another best friend who I introduced to the band. Whenever "Say the Words" comes on, we both sing in the car to it. end of the music side note)

I guess the whole point of this is, life is good. Oh my, is it beautiful. Driving home today, the sunset was just one you had to admire. It made being stuck in traffic bearable. It got me reflecting and just appreciating the opportunities I've had in life. I may not have a lot of material things, but I have the opportunity to come here and live in LA. My budget may be a little tight, but I can still do it. I'm living in the city where dreams come true and where winter doesn't exist (which is kind of like a dream). I'm just thankful I have family and friends back home who support my adventure out here. We may not to get to see each other often, but we're still together. It'll make the times we visit more precious. Like last weekend for example. My roommate from college came out here, and I got to see her for a couple hours. It was so nice to see her. It felt like nothing changed. We were on a different coast and in a different car, but other than that, it was the same. That's where that lyric aforementioned comes in. If you close your eyes, it feels like nothing changed. 

I'm not saying change is a bad thing, not at all. I think change is great because it gives you a chance to experience something different. You could spend your whole life in one area, in one town or you could move somewhere else. You don't choose where you're from, but you do choose where you go. I'll always be from Massachusetts, but I won't always live there. Maybe one day down the road, I'll find myself there again. But right now, California is where I belong. Being in your twenties is the best time to get up and relocate. When I look back at this time in my life twenty years from now, I'll be so glad I took a chance. 

Which leads me to that whole chance topic. In all aspects of life, you have to take chances. In moving, in career, in love, in everything. Don't be scared.. well, be scared. That's how you know it's worth it. As the saying goes, if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough. Seriously, go for it. What do you have to lose? nothing. Take that chance and don't look back, just go with it.

I think I've rambled on long enough. Thanks for sticking with me!

peace.love.happiness. (sending my love to the east coast, I miss you guys).

Everyone Needs a Role Model

As I write this, I am listening to an old video from September 17th, 2011 of Demi Lovato singing "Skyscraper" and talking to the audience. For those of you who don't know Demi Lovato or her story, if you google her name, you'll be able to find it. Demi has been a role model to me since 2008. Her music has helped me in my lowest times. It has also been there in happy times. Since her return in 2011, she has encouraged people to embrace themselves and who they are. She has encouraged people to find happiness and to get help if need be. She has continuously thanked her fans for being there and always dedicating songs to them. She has been a voice for a generation who so desperately needed it. She has decided to battle the stigma with mental health and battle the celebrity norm of being as skinny as possible. She promotes good health, both physical and mental. 

Every time I see her in concert, she puts on an amazing show. Somehow, each show is better than the last. Yes, I am a huge fan, a lovatic. I have seen Demi in concert seven times (three this year alone.. Neon Lights Tour in March, World Tour two weeks ago, and tonight at the Vevo Certified Super Fanfest). I will continue to go to her concerts throughout the years. One day, I will meet her and thank her for everything she has done and for her music. 

For now, I just wanted to post. I just got back from the concert tonight. Some of you know why I've been so dedicated. Some of you have probably speculated. Even if she didn't promote what she does, I would still be a fan. I have been before her image changed and she became a true role model. 
She has been my role model for a while, and I'm glad she is. I'm glad teenagers today and younger and people my age and older have someone who they can look up to who isn't trying to be fake and be someone they are not. Demi is real, she doesn't put on a front when she interacts with fans. She doesn't hide things or try to cover up imperfections. That is what this generation so desperately needs. In a world so focused on trying to be perfect, she proves you don't have be somebody else's definition of perfect. You should be your own. 

Thank you for being a role model. Thank you for touring and sharing your story and being brave and putting everything you have into every performance.